


Wish You Were Here

by DunmerLover



Series: Rissu Rattigan's Adventures With and Concerning Kylo Ren [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Sex, Because you'll be seeing a lot of her, Beheading, Blackmail, But it's only because he cares, Choking, Crying After Sex, Death by vacuum of space, Did you ever hear the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise, Dom/sub, Dominant Kylo Ren, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Masturbation, Gratuitous self-insert, He's kind of controlling, Implied body image problems, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Nipple Piercings, OC-centric, Original Character(s), Original planet, Porn mostly at the end, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rough Sex, Science, Screaming Orgasm, Self-Insert, Seriously I hope you like my OC, She's kind of going with it, Slow Build, Submissive Female, Supporting Original Characters, Surprise Sex, Threats of Violence, Ulterior Motives, Violence, Violent Sex, dubcon, my tags are a mess, really slow build, so many original characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-10-23 02:54:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 39,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10710684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DunmerLover/pseuds/DunmerLover
Summary: A college student gets caught up in the middle of a First Order raid on her home planet. After a brief encounter, she finds herself besotted with Kylo Ren. It was just a fleeting moment though. She tries to get on with her life, but not long after the assault, she comes to learn that she herself is Force-sensitive.With a little work, she feels like she might just have a shot after all.





	1. Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just standard self-insert fare I wanted to write due to my obsession with Kylo Ren. It's been done before, but here is my story. It's been brain-stew for a while but I was afraid to write it for a long time, because I wanted to be sure I wasn't completely butchering the lore. I have no idea what appeal an OC story like this has, but I'm uploading it in the hopes that someone else might enjoy reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.

For such a cold planet, Druemer was a surprisingly large hub of activity and trade, often likened to Coruscant - although on a somewhat smaller scale. Advanced life-forms inhabited the planet after a group of wealthy individuals eventually settled, bringing with them the technology that could sustain life in that environment. 

And for such a significant hub of activity and trade, Druemer received surprisingly little attention from the First Order. The planet was very wealthy, and its government had long since paid the organisation generously to, whenever it conducted any activity, turn a blind eye to their planet. The New Republic obviously condemned this move, yet it was still understanding of the Druemerian government’s desire to keep its infrastructure safe from harm - some of the greatest minds and most important public figures in the galaxy had, and would still graduate from its university. Because of this alone, it was understood that Druemer had a lot to lose by being taken by the First Order. 

On this evening, two of the three of the planet’s moons hung in the sky over the Arrivane - the university district. On some nights, the streets were lit up from the light cast off from all three, eliminating the need for articifial lighting in most places. On this evening, the streets of the Arrivane were bathed in a more gentle moonlight as four young adults made their way back home through the central streets. 

“Guys… just give me a moment,” the human named Rissu panted, collapsing onto a bench in a failed attempt to conquer the street’s incline. Rissu’s hair was a dull, pastel pink tonight - long, layered and just a little wavy. 

“You hardly ate _anything_!” the twi’lek named Sweet jeered at her friend - who was now curled up in agony on the bench, clutching her stomach. Sweet crossed her arms, grinning. “Rissu, I’m never taking you to a buffet again, you can’t handle your food.” 

“Shut _up_ Sweet, we don’t all have a bottomless stomach!” Rissu responded, grinning despite the pain crawling up into her strained ribcage. “If you’re comparing me to Rin, I might as well quit now, she’s practically pregnant! Look at her!” 

Rissu’s arm flung out in Rin’s direction. The human named Rin chuckled, and looked over the thick rim of a pair of trendy black glasses to Rissu, and then to the twi’lek named Jace - her boyfriend. She patted her already chubby stomach. “What do you think, Jace? You ready to be a daddy?” 

Jace grinned and pulled his girlfriend close to his chest. “Whatever you want, babe. _Whatever you want_.”

“That’s too much responsibility for you, Jace,” Rissu contributed between deep breaths and small belches. She grinned wickedly. “Less time for _lovin_ ’.” 

“Rissu, that’s fuckin’ gross”, Sweet said, playfully smacking her friend’s arm. The pair giggled childishly. “You realise you’re talking about my brother, right?” 

“I like grossing you out, Sweet,” Rissu said simply. “We wouldn’t be friends if you didn’t love it secretly…” 

She steadied herself on the bench. 

“Okay, okay, I think I can make it now,” she said rising with an effort. Relaxing her core muscles relieved the pain enough for her to keep walking. 

The four progressed for some time, up the street, coming into the Arrivane’s centre - a vast square, lined with dozens of smaller stores, and larger homes and apartments. An enormous grey stone pool served as a centrepiece, with an ornate fountain on a pedestal in the middle, crafted to resemble a gigantic arrangement of flowers in a glass vase. An easy hundred other people passed through the square, to and from the many connecting streets. 

The four had almost reached the pool. Rissu slowed, and eventually stopped entirely. The others turned back, and this time Sweet made a noise of genuine frustration. 

“ _Again_ , Rissu?” she cried impatiently, however her stiff posture and stern features softened when she caught the nervous expression on her friend’s face. 

“Something’s wrong…” Rissu said. She deliberated over every syllable before letting each one roll slowly off her tongue. Her stormy blue eyes, thick with black eyeliner and heavy with long false eyelashes, looked to the night sky. 

Her friends were silent. 

“...Don’t you hear it?” 

They all soon heard the thrumming, at first heard it from a distance, and then every pair of legs had halted, and every head was turned skyward. Then they felt the thrum it as it descended right down upon the square. A shuttle - not just any shuttle, but a First Order transporter, landed across the square from the group. 

The rest was chaos. The screaming of people both distant and near only now began to register with Rissu - she could only stare on in shock, then vicious lights threatened to blind her. She threw an arm over her eyes, struggling to keep them open. The giant ramp of the shuttle began to descend. It took being barged into by another bystander running for an escape, for her to register her surroundings fully again. She noticed her friends staring blankly as well, but before she could gather her thoughts, and her friends, and run from the scene, a swarm of white overcame the square. Stormtroopers leaked in between every person still in the area, cornering everybody. 

Rissu gawked up at the two stormtroopers holding her at gunpoint. She barely heard Sweet and Rin whimper somewhere over on her right. When she shot a glance over, all three of her friends were staring down the barrels of blasters. As the soldiers shoved Rissu over to stand with her friends, blasters still trained on her, unrelenting, another Lander descended, its exhaust so powerful it threatened to peel off the skin of those beneath. For Rissu, it still hadn’t sunk in. One moment the square was sleepy, peaceful, winding down for the night. It was just like any other night. And now, suddenly, they were at the heart of some kind of invasion. 

The air was so thick with confusion it could almost choke a man. The First Order _never_ came down to Druemer. Everyone knew that. Why were they here? 

Around the square, every other group or individual who hadn’t yet fled the scene was being held at the end of a blaster, pushed about so they all faced the middle, where a large area had been cleared of all bystanders. Rissu and Sweet stood shoulder to shoulder, and she could feel her friend trembling violently next to her, even through both their thick, heavy coats. She knew they were being prepared for something. 

“What’s going on?” Jace asked one of the stormtroopers, looking up but not behind him, blaster pressed firmly into his back. 

“Quiet,” one of them snapped. His helmet distorted the voice, and it made him seem all the more cold and vicious. 

Rissu looked upwards again. A third shuttle now entered the square, black and boxy, flat wings folding up above it as it landed in the space they’d all been forced to stand around. Rissu was trembling too now. She tried to swallow away her growing nausea. Was _was_ happening? It wasn’t as though she hadn’t heard _stories_ of raids on other planets… people being rounded up and stolen away for First Order labour was apparently commonplace, and she assumed that that was what was happening now. 

The ramp lowered, filling the square with smoke. The interior glowed a stark white. 

“What… are you gonna do to us?” she stammered, against her better judgement. “Are you… are you gonna take us away?” 

“I said _QUIET, you_!” the stormtrooper barked again, striking Rissu violently over the head with the stock of his blaster. Rissu cried out, less from pain and more from the shock of being hit. Then came the pain. Flaring and consuming the whole right side of her head. Her sinuses threatened to explode as her head felt like it swelled to double its size. She was stunned into submission, blinking away tears as the world swayed in front of her. She made sure to keep her mouth shut for as long as whatever was happening, took to happen. 

The blaster was shoved into Rissu’s back again, and the stormtrooper stood to attention. She took this to mean she should concentrate on the unfolding scene, so she did. Her heart pounded in her throat. She prayed silently that if she was compliant, she wouldn’t be killed. 

Five figures exited the shuttle. Four more stormtroopers, and an angel. 

Well, he obviously wasn’t an angel, Rissu thought to herself. But he could have easily been one. They _were_ said to be the most beautiful beings in the universe, after all… and that was quite an appropriate way to describe the embodiment of perfection that Rissu was looking at. The man stormed purposefully down the ramp and across the square, black robes billowing around him. Still flanked by his guard, he stopped in the very centre of the square, next to the fountain. He was about ten feet from Rissu’s group. 

Rissu was hard pressed to take her eyes off this gorgeous man for even a moment, but her gaze was torn away to look instinctively skyward, just for a moment. She anticipated the arrival of another Lander as the thrumming resonated inside her once again. But no more shuttles came, and all she could see was the moonlit sky. 

Her attention dropped back to the huge figure in black, she was entranced by him. He lifted two gloved hands, and lowered his hood, revealing raven hair that blew gently about his perfect face in the breeze. He looked around the scene, slowly. 

“Yuran Allego!” the man called out to the expanse in a rich, deep voice. “We know you’re hiding here! There’s no escape for you now.” 

His voice hit Rissu’s ears like music - strong, but somehow gentle and melodic, and she felt herself melt right then and there. The entire scene rang with a deathly silence, and Rissu knew that in that moment, each and every bystander was questioning whether or not they knew a Yuran Allego. 

Whoever he was, he didn’t give himself up. The robed man scowled, snarled in frustration, and flexed the fingers of his right hand. “If you won’t give yourself up willingly… I’ll drag you out by force,” he responded to the silence. 

He raised his hand outwards, as though reaching for someone in front of him, invisible and a little taller, to take his hand. Rissu felt the thrumming inside her resonate more fiercely now, vibrating the very chambers of her heart. Every cell in her body tingled, and it was in this moment, she found herself wondering, somehow, if _he_ was causing this. The nausea was back, worse than ever. She swallowed hard. 

As she watched, one half of her terrified, the other half completely fascinated, the man’s outstretched hand balled into a fist, and an explosion of durasteel on the other side of the square - the front door of one of the houses was ripped from its foundations. Metal was thrown around the paved ground, forging deep scratches in the stone. Bystanders were screaming all around, and jumped backwards out of the way as the wreckage skidded to a halt past them. 

The man in the black robes reached out again, and Rissu was _certain_ now that whatever she was feeling was coming from him, despite how crazy that sounded. His power swelled and broke inside her like the waves of an ocean, and she didn’t know what confused her more - that this stranger was making every part of her tremble with energy, or that he had appeared to rip a whole door from its tracks without even touching it. Without even being _near_ it. 

Rissu chalked this up to coincidence, that somehow the door had exploded for some other reason… until he did the same thing again. Hand balled into a fist, another door ripped away. And another. And another. He didn’t stop this display of power until all the doors on that side of the square were strewn over the ground outside. The place was a mess, but by some miracle, no one was hurt. 

“Allego, you can stay hidden as long as you want,” he called out again. “…But I’ll start eliminating civilians until you show yourself.” 

Rissu’s stomach dropped out of her, and her whole body chilled at the man’s words, because she believed them. They were _right in front of him_ , she thought to herself, who else would he think to kill off first? He even looked at their group while he said that! 

A painful knot grew in her throat, it was suddenly hard to breathe. She closed her eyes and prayed, to no one in particular. _Please, Yuran, please_ , she repeated over and over in desperation. _Please don’t let us die_ , please don’t let us die… 

The silence that hung over the square now was all but torture. 

“...Fine,” came a man’s voice from somewhere around the ruined door frames. Rissu’s eyes snapped open. “Have it your way, Ren. Just please… don’t kill anyone else on my account.” 

A short, blond-haired man emerged from the wrecked doorway of one of the apartments, wrapped in a thick, hooded, dirty grey coat. Rissu could’ve cried with relief. Small tears indeed formed at the corners of her eyes, and threatened to fall down her cheek as her breath came in feeble hitches. 

The man… Yuran Allego, presumably, walked across the square, into the silence, until he was face to face with the man he called Ren, who towered over him. Breath still ragged, Rissu couldn’t look away. 

“Allego… who would’ve thought one of the First Order’s most talented engineers would turn out to be a spy sent by the Resistance?” 

Now that the beautiful, black-clad man spoke more softly, Rissu could hear his voice wavering slightly. Somehow it made her melt even more. 

The blond-haired man stood, resolute and proud, before his fate. He said nothing. 

“In hindsight, I understand now why you turned down so many promotions… you wanted to go under the radar. You didn’t want to draw _my_ attention.” 

Ren seemed almost serene as he talked. _Something’s off_ , thought Rissu. 

“Hiding on Druemer was a stroke of genius on your part,” he continued, with that same bizarre, stiff calm. “The _last_ place we’d look for anyone. But we find everyone. No matter how long it takes. And you know as well as anyone what happens to traitors.” 

Yuran swallowed, and nodded, and Rissu found herself respecting the hell out of his bravery. “I’m ready to die tonight,” he said. “I’ll die knowing the First Order will fall one day. It’ll fall because of people like me. We’re _everywhere_ , Ren. You won’t ever find us all, and even if you did, it would be too late.” 

The energy hit Rissu again like a bolt from a blaster, so fiercely she almost doubled over in shock. She could feel Ren’s emotion - anger. Sudden, white hot anger, seeming to tear at her flesh in a bid to run wild. 

“The information you stole means NOTHING!” Ren howled. “AND TRAITORS LIKE YOU MEAN _JACK-SHIT_!” 

A hand shot out again - the left one this time. Ren’s face was feral in his rage, and to Rissu, he looked even more gorgeous. She only wanted him more. Her vision blurred as the energy rampaged inside her head- no, her whole body, but still she could see Yuran clutch and scrape at his throat as though being choked by an unseen hand, and heard his futile gasps for air as he was lifted off the ground, feet hanging useless as he rose, Ren’s outstretched hand seeming to direct the powerless body to his will. 

“What the _fuck_ …” Rissu whimpered under her breath, so quietly only she would hear. 

“You… can kill me…”Yuran wheezed, both hands clawing uselessly at his neck with less and less enthusiasm as time went by. “But the Resistance… will never die…” 

Ren snarled again, his right hand went to his belt and he pulled something out from under his robes. A fiery red blade of energy was ignited, humming gently. Its light burned a misshapen cross into Rissu’s vision as the unstable blade danced and threw out minuscule sparks. The energy inside Rissu reached fever pitch. She’d never known nausea like this before, it was running through her whole body, she really was going to hurl. She heaved silently, swallowing back a torrent of saliva. 

“Fuck the Resistance,” Ren growled. He swung the blade, and as easily as a knife cutting through warm butter, he sliced the traitor’s head clean off. 

The silence that filled the air before was broken by screams and cries from all sides as the head hit the floor, bounced a little, and rolled to land right at Rissu’s feet, eyes open, wide and glassy. Ren’s hand fell back to his side, and the decapitated corpse crumpled up in a heap on the ground. 

Ren wasn’t satisfied yet, it would seem. A quick, but deep inhale and he roared. The fearsome sound echoed around the square. He whirled around, and released his anger on the stone that made up the central pool, thrashing at it repeatedly with his weapon, still crying out in anger, until he’d carved out a sizeable chunk of stone. Water flowed freely out of its confines, through the damaged wall, quickly reaching out to all four corners of the square and flooding the area. 

Rissu’s heart was pounding. She seemed to feel every emotion at once underneath the anguish bleeding into her from the man’s energy. As he raged, Rissu’s lust for him couldn’t be stronger. She found herself overwhelmed with affection, a need to both calm him and take the brunt of that anger herself. It worried her a little. 

Finally, the man relented his pointless assault, the glowing blade retracted and disappeared, and only a metal hilt remained. Rissu was only now aware of the swelling between her thighs, and she shifted on her feet. Ren’s huge shoulders rose and fell with each deep, heavy breath, and his eyes dropped to the now sodden head lying at Rissu’s feet, its eyelids still twitching. 

He looked briefly over Rissu, and it was when their eyes met that she was broken entirely. The encounter was only a mere second, but Rissu felt as though she was lost in those beautiful brown eyes for days. She was certain her heart stopped beating entirely. Never before had she seen so much expression and emotion in one place, in one person. If it was simple attraction before, she knew now that she wanted him more than she’d ever wanted any man. 

The moment which felt like days ended when Ren scowled, and looked away. 

“We’re done here,” he called out, obviously addressing his army. 

Rissu whimpered when the blaster jammed in the small of her back was pulled away. Somewhere along the way, she’d actually forgotten she was being held at gunpoint. Around the square, the stormtroopers retreated back to their two shuttles. Ren turned back, joined once again by his own guard, saying something to a stormtrooper in chromium armour about damages and compensation, and before even a minute had passed, all three shuttles had left what remained of the square, headed out for somewhere in the vast space above. 

And suddenly, there was nothing. If it wasn't for the inconceivable destruction they left behind, it would’ve been as if the First Order had never been there at all. 

It was only then that Rissu realised just how unsteady she was on her feet. Her legs were like jelly, and she knew they would give way. She stumbled over to the ruined pool, clutching hold of the sides with arms just as weak and shaking just as violently, bent over it, and vomited. 

She heard Sweet sobbing behind her. Throat and nose burning with a mixture of acid and Mandalorian food, mouth overflowing with saliva, Rissu looked over her shoulder to her friends. Jace was behind her now, he placed a purple hand on her back to comfort her. 

“Just… why wasn’t… why wasn’t there any blood, Rin?” Sweet wept. She fell into her friend’s arms, wailing. Rin’s face contorted, and she burst into tears as she held Sweet close. 

“How’re you holding up, Rissu?” Jace asked softly. Rissu looked up into his brown eyes. His face was sombre. He didn’t show it like the others, but she knew he was struggling to keep it together too. “I know we need time and all, but we need to get _out of here_. We need to go home.” 

Rissu’s strength began to return to her after a few minutes. Jace helped her back on her feet, but by then she could walk well enough on her own. The gang reconvened, and with heavy hearts for the chaos they left behind, helpless to change anything but reluctant to abandon it, picked up where they left off not fifteen minutes before and left the square. It had all happened so quickly. 

_What_ had _happened, though_ , Rissu thought to herself. She knew what had happened to that poor man, and to the Arrivane. She sort of knew _why_ it happened… from the exchange they’d witnessed. But what had happened to _her_? And _why_? 

Turning her head to the right, she saw Sweet and Rin, silent tears still falling steadily down their cheeks. She wanted to ask if they’d felt it too, but knew that she couldn’t pick a worse time. 

Rissu watched her friends cry, and wondered why she wasn’t crying too. She was okay, and she didn’t know why. They’d _all_ seen that guy die, they’d _all_ been held captive together. But Rissu felt numb to it all. The only thing she could think about was him. The man in the black robes, with the face of an angel and the temper of a wild animal. She wanted to see more of everything he was. 

She needed to know who he was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this chapter finished for a long time, but there was a scene I wasn't sure whether I wanted to put in or not. I decided today it wasn't necessary and just brushed up on the terminology just so I can get it out finally.


	2. Revelation

It was late evening when Rissu returned to the dorm. She stumbled up the steps to the door, pressing her fob key to the lock and falling against the metal as it slid open for her. As usual, she’d worked so hard at the gym she could barely walk. That was a good sign. If she could walk properly afterwards, she hadn’t worked hard enough. She hoped her ass would hurt the following day, that would be the second good sign. If it didn’t, the workout was a complete failure. 

Rissu staggered into the living room and collapsed on one of two couches, before registering two figures moving about in the kitchen on the other side of the room. 

“Hey Rissu,” Rin greeted her roommate, leaving the kitchen and crossing the open-plan space to sit on the second couch, coffee table between the pair. “Good workout?” 

Rissu snorted out a sound of indecision. “I skimped a little on the upper body since I’m a lazy shit.” 

Rin smiled warmly. “Glad to see you’re getting back to your old self.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rissu questioned, confused. 

“No one’s seen you in classes since the other night,” Sweet called out from the kitchen. She was stirring something over the cooker while a HoloNet report played on her datapad beside it. “We know it’s only been a few days and none of us are over it yet, but we’re worried about you babe.” 

“I was in class once!” Rissu protested, sitting up in her seat. “I sat at the back, if no one saw me, that’s not my fault. And I needed to get a workout in _somewhere_ so I did that instead of class today, I’ll catch up tonight.” 

That wasn’t a lie. None of it was. Rissu never let herself fall behind. 

She really _was_ okay. The only thing that bothered her was how when she closed her eyes at night to sleep, she would always see _him_. The only thing that was bothering her was how preoccupied she was with that man. That after only a fleeting encounter, she was so inexplicably enamoured with him. How he seemed to be her every thought these past few days. How sad she felt that she’d never see him again. 

Rissu leaned forward. She couldn’t see the report but she could hear it. 

“... _While the efforts to repair the resulting damage to the square have already begun. Again, we would like to take this opportunity to remind our viewers that Druemer is_ still _safe from the First Order, and the relationship between the two authorities remains the same. I repeat_ , Druemer is still safe.” 

No one spoke for a while. 

“Have you looked at your messages?” Rin broke the silence. 

Rissu shook her head. 

“We both got a message from the counsellor up on campus. She wanted us to come and meet her, just to make sure we were all right. And talk about the other night if we wanted.” 

“We’ve both been already, we even took Jace along,” Sweet contributed, neglecting her cooking momentarily to sit with her roommates. She crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward. “She was really, really nice. If she messaged you too, you really should go. Even if you just tell her you’re doing fine.” 

Rissu looked over the twi’lek’s shoulder and into the kitchen. The saucepan was bubbling over, and white sauce trickled down the side. “Yeah, I don’t see any reason not to.” 

“And you know you can talk to _us_ about anything, right?” Rin contributed. 

“Of course!” 

She stood and scooped her friend up in a brief, sweaty embrace. “I know you can’t get enough of me whining about my life.” 

Rissu crossed the room and grabbed a protein bar from a huge stack on the kitchen counter. Then she retired to her bedroom, threw down her gym bag, and reached for the datapad on her nightstand. Sure enough, when she got into her university messages, she saw it right away. The counsellor wanted to arrange a meeting. The girl sat down on her bed and leaned back onto the plush headboard, nursing her food while typing out a response. She was feeling okay, sure, given how a guy’s severed head rolled towards her feet like a football, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t full of questions. Questions she knew that her friends wouldn’t have the answers to. She didn’t need to be a genius to know that her own experience that night was unique to _her_ , and she wanted to know what it meant. 

With her own message compiled and sent, Rissu’s next priority was to take a shower. After getting clean, she would catch up on the class she’d missed. She put her datapad aside, and pulled clean towels from her closet, and as she hung them up in the 'fresher, her mind wandered back to the man in the black robes, and longing overwhelmed her. She sighed in frustration and cast the memory out of her mind, before stripping and turning on the water. 

* * *

For a lot of students taking degrees with particularly busy schedules, the lunch period was the most convenient time to engage in outside services such as counselling. But since Rissu was a biology student, even as a postgraduate, she wasn’t quite as busy. That day, she had two morning classes, and nothing else. Still, she was content to wait on campus for a while. 

Her hair was blond today, straight layers with thick, straight bangs. She added a single streak of baby pink to compliment the pink accents in her otherwise entirely black outfit. If nothing else, Rissu took pride in her appearance. 

She knocked on the durasteel door, ignoring the buzzer at eye-level entirely. 

“Come in!” came a motherly voice from the other side. 

The door slid open, revealing a small office - clean, although cluttered. A desk split the room in two, with an empty chair on one side, and on the other side sat the counsellor. Rissu didn’t expect her to be so… young. She estimated her to be in her mid-thirties, maybe a little older. She wore her wavy chestnut hair in a high ponytail that tumbled down her face and shoulders, and her glasses were just like Rin’s. She greeted Rissu with a warm smile as she got up and offered the girl her hand. Rissu took it, shaking briefly, noticing how enviably slim the counsellor was. 

“Rissu, I’m glad to finally meet you!” she said enthusiastically. “Thank you for coming!” 

“No problem-o,” Rissu replied, smiling politely. “Doctor… uh…” 

“Oh, just call me Lari. Please, take a seat.” 

Lari gestured to the lone seat, and as Rissu unfastened her coat, settling it neatly on the back of the chair, she felt like she was preparing for an interrogation. 

Lari returned to her own chair, unable to contain her surprise at Rissu’s outlandish appearance. Of course she was a student here, she thought, she was on the system and Lari had been given access to her records, only to find she was quite a model student. But to look at her, she’d have thought her to be a prostitute before anything else. 

Removing her massive coat revealed a lovingly crafted body. While her frame was hefty, her muscle was toned, her waist pinched and her hips defined. On further inspection, Lari noticed that she was wearing lingerie for a vest. She knew this because she happened to own the exact same cami herself. Obviously, the girl still wore a bra underneath as she was extremely well-endowed. She was so well-endowed, the normally waist-length cami failed to be waist-length on her, instead riding up and exposing the bottom of her toned stomach. 

She was wearing skin-tight leather pants. She wore _leather pants_ to her classes. Of course, it was a very cold planet so it was in some way remotely logical, but the counsellor was still seeing a first. She was wearing two studded belts, one of them slung uselessly over her left hip for show. Lari guessed that she was aiming for some alternative style, but couldn’t decide on any one in particular, so borrowed from several at once. She looked quite ridiculous. 

Somehow, the girl’s face was the most intriguing part. Her features were attractive enough. Youthful, almost deathly pale skin, and a rounded, feminine jaw and delicate chin. However, her face was certainly not safe from her attempt at style. How long must that make-up have taken her, Lari thought, admiring the painted black wings decorating her eyes. While her pencilled brown eyebrows looked far from natural, and her pink lips clearly over-drawn, the effort she’d put into them was obvious. She had three piercings on her face alone - a ring in one nostril, a bullring, and a ring on her lower lip. Together, they seemed to strike a diagonal line across her lower face. 

“I’ll be honest, I don’t know what you expect me to say, I feel really okay,” Rissu began as she settled nervously. 

The girl’s words tore Lari out of her reverie. She quickly reminded herself that Rissu was still a student, no matter how inappropriately dressed, and of the reason she’d called her in. She picked up a flimsiplast file on her desk and briefly refreshed her memory. 

“That’s a relief to hear, Rissu, but it’s still a good idea to touch base.” 

Rissu shrugged in agreement. “Yeah, it’s always good to talk it out.” 

“Exactly! Let’s see… my notes tell me that there was a raid by the First Order in the Arrivane’s central square six days ago - of course that’s common knowledge now… and that yourself and your friends were caught in the middle of it.” 

“Yeah… yeah that’s right.” 

“You were all unharmed, I’m told? But you were held at gunpoint.” 

The blond nodded her head on both counts. 

“The purpose of the raid, I’m told, was to find a Resistance spy who was hiding with us, and you witnessed his beheading.” 

Rissu nodded again. “Yeah, that all sounds about right.” 

“Is there anything you want to add to that?” 

A pause. 

“I think…” Rissu began. “I think they were keeping us all there to watch, to set an example. I know we’re neutral ground but they wanted to show us what happens if you go against them.” 

Lari smiled widely, glad the girl could prove that she wasn’t as stupid as she looked. “You know Rissu, I think you might be right about that. Now… if you have any questions about the beheading…” 

“Yeah, I do. Lots.” Rissu straightened up in her seat. “So… the guy who did it… he was wearing black, like, robes. He had an energy blade, or something like that… and a _real temper_.”

She was ashamed to recall his fury in some sort of sick adoration. Fuck, Rissu thought. Why was her heart pounding like this in her throat? _Why_ was adrenaline pouring into her arms and legs like this when she talked about him? 

“Who… who is he?” 

Lari’s warm, motherly expression turned dark for a moment. “…You must be talking about Kylo Ren.” 

“Kylo Ren…” Rissu repeated. Her heart raged at an impossible pace. She committed the name of the perfect stranger to memory, promising herself that she wouldn’t forget it. 

“Why do you ask?” 

_No reason_ , Rissu thought sarcastically. _Just he’s crazy gorgeous, and I’ve never wanted any man inside me this bad, no biggie_. 

She decided that would be an inappropriate answer though. “He… I dunno if I was even seeing this right. Call me crazy, but he…” 

“He made things move without touching them.” Lari nodded knowingly. 

“ _Yes_! He lifted that poor guy up from the ground with… well, I dunno how, it was like he did it with his mind. Do you know? You know, don’t you?” 

“I guess they don’t teach kids about the Force any more?” 

Rissu’s pencilled eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “I’ve never heard of it.” 

“The Force is said to be an energy field that gives some individuals… powers. In days gone by, Force-users studied it together, and learned _from_ it, to become more powerful, for whatever purpose. The Force connected them. An establishment once existed called the Jedi Order… in which Force-sensitives were recruited to maintain peace throughout the whole galaxy.” 

“And Kylo Ren’s a Jedi?” 

“Not quite. He’s supposed to be something else.” 

“Right…” 

Rissu paused again, longer this time. “I could feel his power coming off him. It was so strong… it made me feel so ill. I could feel his anger. Was that… normal?” 

Lari’s gaze lingered, scrutinising, over the girl for a long time. “What an unusual thing to say. I dare say that, no… that’s not normal. Hey, maybe you’re Force-sensitive yourself!” 

She chuckled derisively, and slapped Rissu gently on the shoulder with her flimsiplast file. She clearly didn't mean it. Rissu smiled awkwardly, and forced a nervous laugh in return. 

“Yeah, my body probably reacted in a weird way to the shock,” she lied. “I think I ate something questionable at the buffet actually… but you’ve helped answer so many questions. I had a ton. I’m glad I came.” 

“Great! It’s good you feel that way.” 

Lari stood, and Rissu followed suit, picking up her coat. “If you have any more questions, or if you just need to talk, my door’s always open for you.” 

* * *

Rissu returned home shortly after that. It was a half-hour walk, she estimated, from the small portion of the gargantuan campus that her classes were confined to, to the apartment building off-campus that contained their dorm. Too early for her to eat her own lunch, Rissu grabbed her datapad from her bedroom, along with a bed throw made of sleek black fake fur and grey suede, and since she was the only one home, she made a nest on the living room couch, and got to studying as hard as she could. 

Rissu had a real knack for molecular biology. She felt lucky she’d found her muse so early on in life, and people only ever encouraged her to pursue it as far as she could. She wanted to chase the unknown. But it was impossible to concentrate on her passion today. She tried as hard as she could, but she was too restless. Meeting the counsellor had only given her more questions than she came with, and she just couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said. 

_Maybe you’re Force-sensitive yourself_. 

Rissu wasn’t one for delusions of grandeur. She wasn’t one to be told she was special and lap it up without question. On the contrary, she had a real talent for disregarding praise, convincing herself that the opposite was true, and using the criticism she created to become better than she was. It was strange, she admitted, but that was just how she worked. But what the counsellor said… there was something in the way she’d dismissed her own words like a joke, as though she knew more than she was letting on. 

It wasn’t just that, though. Rissu would disregard the comment if she didn’t somehow feel it in herself… that there was something inside her that guided her. She’d felt this way all her life. Conveniently in the right place at the right time. Like she always knew… what to do. Where to go. 

She threw her datapad down onto the couch, and buried her head in her hands. She couldn’t study now, she was way too restless. She had to walk it off. 

Rissu grabbed her favourite coat, slipped on a pair of hi-tops, and was back out the door in mere seconds, leaving the dorm empty once more. Once she was down the stairs and out the building, the cold hit her. She shivered openly, and breathed in the fresh, crisp air, and watched her breath billow thickly around her on the exhale, and got moving. 

She was going nowhere in particular. She’d probably walk down to the heart of the Arrivane - technically the university and surrounding area _was_ a part of it, the Arrivane was a huge district, and campus was right in the middle - but she’d walk down to the square, maybe see how cleanup was going. And then she’d walk back along a different path and finish up back at the dorm. Hopefully that would kill at least two hours. She just had to move. It helped her think. 

It was as she walked aimlessly, she decided that she had to find out. There was no way she could go the rest of her life now without knowing for sure. She’d make a trip to the campus library tomorrow, she decided. Pick up some holobooks on the Force, or the Jedi, or whatever else there was. There had to be some kind of test, she figured to herself. And if she failed it, and she wasn’t Force-sensitive - her life would go on as normal. She’d be okay. But for now, she just had to know for sure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is it with me and the 2nd chapter of stuff? >.< I feel so out of love with this chapter but I tried to make it as engaging as I could. But I got it out without delaying for a year this time and that's important to me.


	3. Awakening

To say that Druemer University was prestigious would be an understatement. Kids and adults from all over the galaxy dreamed of studying and working there. As it happened, places at the university only went to two kinds of people - the exceptionally wealthy, and those who were born on Druemer. Rissu was of the latter group. Saying this, it wasn’t as though the average Druemerian family was not fairly well-off, though usually not enough to afford the tuition. 

The university was so prestigious, Rissu learned, that the library actually had books. Printed books were pretty hard to come by. But this library, this one huge library, one of maybe a dozen around the massive campus, was piled almost endlessly with them. Books by the craft-load. Books for days. Enough books to distribute to the whole galaxy, maybe! 

Rissu walked over to one small shelf, almost in awe. Her hair was still blond today. She ran her fingers almost lovingly down the spine of one of the volumes at eye-level. She was in her fourth year of studying here, but she’d never even set foot in any of the libraries. That wasn’t how she studied. She never knew all this was even here. 

She pulled out the royal red volume she’d been absent-mindedly molesting. The cover read “ _An Introduction to Land Law in the Outer Rim Territories_.” Feeling the title alone fly straight over her head, she replaced the book, and navigated her way to the reception, where the guy stood to attention behind the counter looked even younger than Rissu. 

“Can I help you?” he asked politely as the pair made eye contact. 

“Uhh, yeah…” Rissu trailed off, admiring the kid’s undercut. “Do you have any books on the Force? Or the Jedi?” 

The kid stared blankly. “The what?” 

_Maybe this isn’t gonna be so easy after all_ , Rissu thought to herself. 

“I’ll go get my manager.” 

The girl nodded, and waited until she was met by a small, extremely elderly woman, with stone grey hair pinned up in a tight bun. 

“What can I help you with, my dear?” the woman crowed in a slow, worn voice. 

“I was after any books on the Force or the Jedi,” Rissu repeated, more confidently. 

The sweet old lady gasped, looking almost amused. She placed a withered hand on Rissu’s muscular arm. “My dear, you won’t find anything on the Force in a library like this! The Empire came and destroyed everything they could find on the matter a _long_ time ago!” 

Rissu sighed. Her heart sank. “So… that’s it? No information at all? _Anywhere_?” 

“Oh no, dear, there’s bound to be holobooks in one of the smaller libraries around here,” the old lady reassured. “You just need to find a place small enough that the Empire may have overlooked it.” 

_That makes sense. There’s me thinking the biggest library would have more shit_. 

“You should keep in mind…” the tiny lady leaned in, almost whispering now. Her claw was a vice grip around the girl’s flesh. “You may have to leave the district to find what you’re looking for.” 

* * *

Another journey later, and Rissu was back in the high streets of the Arrivane. It was a massive place - all the districts were, so if one didn’t know exactly where they were going, it was easy to get lost. The girl searched her memory, and recalled one library she’d visit sometimes as a child. With a sting of regret, she recalled that she’d long since forgotten to return the holobooks she borrowed. With an even bigger sting of regret, she realised she couldn’t actually recall the name or the location of the place. 

Rissu scanned the immediate area, searching for a cab. She made her way over to the nearest idle one. The driver invited her inside with a gesture, and she nervously took a seat. 

“Where are you headed, love?” the driver asked cheerfully. He was so large he struggled to fit in his seat, all huddled in like he was sat in a kids’ toy grav-car. 

“Can you take me to a library?” Rissu asked. 

“Library, huh,” the driver repeated as he started the engines. “Any one in particular?” 

“Any library. It needs to be a small one. As crappy as possible.” 

Half an hour later, Rissu was standing outside a small, dingy building she’d have surely overlooked, had she been unaided. In that moment, she felt somewhat nervous, because she really _was_ lost now. She had no idea where she’d been driven to, but she felt it must be on the very edge of the district. 

“Thanks a million, mate,” she said to the driver. She scooped into her pocket and handed him an assortment of credit chips. 

“Keep the change,” she said. “I’m so grateful for your help, I’d never have found anything on my own.” 

“Thanks love. Say…” 

The man leaned out of the cab, one fat arm resting on the door. “You’re a student, right? If you’ve got all those libraries up at the university, what d’you need a dump like this for?” 

“I wanna learn about the Force, and apparently I need to look in a small library.” 

The driver reeled back as though Rissu had burst into flames. “Whoah, good luck with _that_ one!” 

And with that, he was gone, leaving Rissu alone. 

“And thank _you_ for the encouragement…” 

She approached the front door, which opened for her. Once inside, a young woman stood at the reception took her attention. 

_Okay. Time for round two_. 

“Hey, I’m looking for holobooks about the Force or the Jedi,” Rissu said, approaching the lady. “D’you have any?” 

_Please? I_ really _don’t wanna leave the Arrivane. I hate the snow._

“Oh wow, um… I’m really not sure…” the woman said nervously. She pushed her thick glasses up her nose. “I’ll go have a look. I _think_ we might still have some…” 

The young woman scurried off. Rissu looked around the dimly lit room. It was eerily quiet. The library on campus was silent, sure, but there was background noise there at least. It was a hustle and bustle all of its own. In this library… there was nothing except Rissu’s breathing. It was as if the walls absorbed all the sound. 

She waited at the desk for about five minutes, not knowing whether to take that amount of time as a good or bad sign. Already, she was making plans to leave the district. Not today, of course. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe she’d charter a shuttle out to somewhere else on the supercontinent. That would be the easiest way to do it. Maybe the rural areas in between the districts _would_ be her best chance, even if it did mean dealing with the snow. 

Finally, footsteps grew louder and louder, and the woman returned, carrying what looked to be three holobooks that bathed the dark room in a comforting blue glow. Rissu’s jaw dropped in relief and amazement, and the lady smiled as she dropped them on the desk. 

“I knew we had them somewhere!” she said proudly. 

“This… is… amazing!” Rissu keened. She snatched up the first two. “ _A History of the Jedi Order_ ”, and “ _The Ways of the Force (Fifty-third Edition)_ ”. 

She looked up at the woman, completely unable to hide her gratitude. “I love you so much for this. I’ll take them all out please!” 

* * *

Rissu read for hours. She only set down _The Force In Practice_ for a tea break when the sun had long since set and the moons had taken over. She needed a break, her head was heavy with what she’d learned. She felt disoriented, but maybe the long day had finally caught up with her. 

Sweet was stretched out on the living room couch when Rissu surfaced. She was immersed in her datapad, but looked up when she heard the footsteps. 

“Hey, Rissle-missile, where have you _been_ all day?” 

“Doing your mum, why d’you ask?” 

“You told me that was a _one-time thing_ , bitch!” 

Rissu grinned. She dropped a bag of peppermint tea in her mug, pleased to find the kettle was already hot. Now that her eyes had time to focus on something other than the holobook, she was eager to get back to it. She said nothing else before hurrying back out of the room. 

She’d been learning about midi-chlorians before she took her break. Of all the things she’d learned about the Force, and those sensitive to it, midi-chlorians were the one thing she was pretty familiar with already. Or, she always thought she was. Rissu set the mug down on her nightstand, and searched her shelf for a holobook of her own. When she found it, she went straight for the index. It was a text on cell biology she’d bought for her undergraduate study. She’d only used it a handful of times. 

“ _...Unlike other endosymbiotic organisms, the midi-chrlorians that reside within all bodily cells are thought to be vestigial. Their original function is currently unknown_.” 

Underneath the text was a diagram. Rissu smiled to herself. Both holobooks were giving her entirely different information. According to the one she’d rented out, the midi-chlorians opened Force-sensitives to the will of the Force. Hardly vestigial. Rissu would’ve been inclined to believe her science texts without question, but seeing is believing, and she’d seen more than enough that night. She drained her tea and returned to the front of the text. 

“ _Published 80BBY_.” 

... 

“ _Final revision - 17BBY under the supervision of Ex Vandane_ ” 

_17 BBY, huh_. 

Rissu was versed enough in modern history to know that the Empire was fully operational by that time. She felt pretty confident that if she looked hard enough behind the name Ex Vandane, she could trace them back to the Empire. Only a quick search on her datapad was needed, it seemed. She scrolled through a number of articles showcasing Vandane’s career as one of the Empire’s most senior researchers. 

She stowed the holobook away, and returned to her rented one. She wanted to try it for herself. Right now. Her whole body buzzed with that same old restless energy again. But… she knew a few hours of reading wouldn’t be enough to prepare her for it. 

But she had to start _somewhere_. 

“And that’s gonna be tonight,” Rissu decided to herself, poring over the holobook again. “So… the book says I should meditate before I try this… oh, hold on, I _must_ meditate to clear my mind and let the Force in… and I _must_ become pretty fuckin’ good at it if I want my abilities to grow…” 

She reasoned that meditating was going to become a big part of her life. So far, she could probably count the number of time she’d done it on both hands. She sat up on her bed, back against the wall, legs tucked underneath her so they were either side of her ass. She closed her eyes, and tried to push away a mental image of Kylo Ren doing the same thing she was. Eventually, she was able to concentrate on her breathing. She counted the duration of her breaths in, and out, trying to prolong the time and slow it down. 

She wanted to take this seriously. She exhaled again. 

_Discipline. Self-control. Imagine how impressed he’d be if you could do it_. 

At that, the buzz returned, but she quickly pushed it away. Such an odd feeling, that the thought of Kylo Ren could inspire her and hinder her at the exact same time. Rissu stayed like that for a while, concentrating on only her breathing, wondering whether she would know if the Force had filled her enough. Would she feel it? Did she feel any different _now_? 

She only moved when her feet started to go numb. She stretched them out, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, and focused her attention on the empty mug sat on her desk. Something small like that, she figured, would be ideal. 

And then she tried to call upon that power supposedly hiding inside her, to help her move it. She stared fixedly at the mug, willing it to move. 

_Please move_. Please? 

Nothing. Obviously. 

Rissu certainly felt like an idiot. Staring intently at a coffee mug with the intention of moving it with supernatural powers was the kind of thing that would get her sent to some kind of psych unit. She knew she didn’t have any powers. How many people must have been Force-sensitive back in the day? One in a million? No… if it was so many, the galaxy would’ve been full of them. Maybe not even one in a billion. 

She leaned back on the bed, her right hand finding her black fur throw. Working her fingers through the soft fibres was soothing, and as she did this, her mind travelled back to that night in the square. She thought of Kylo Ren directing his will with his gestures and his hands. Maybe that was it. 

At least, it was worth a try before she gave up entirely. She raised her right arm, and she once again willed the mug to move away from her. It took all the energy she had to command anywhere near the same power as he must command. Her mostly relaxed arm fully extended, trying to force the mug away. 

The mug wobbled a little. 

_Holy shit_ , Rissu thought. Her heart pounded and her outstretched arm began to shake. _Ho-ly SHIT. Did I do that_? 

It was just a tiny wobble. She didn’t want to believe it. _Couldn’t_ believe it. It could’ve been the building settling, or someone walking about in the dorm above her. Anything other than… that. 

Instilled with confidence, she extended her arm again, and again imagined she was as powerful as Ren, and again willed the mug to move away. This time the mug toppled over, rolled across the table, and landed on the carpet with a thud. 

Rissu felt nauseous. She could feel her heart pounding away somewhere in her throat, so much so she felt certain it would leap out if she opened her mouth. There was no doubt any more, she’d done that. 

A sudden knock at her door almost made her jump off the bed. 

“Y-yes?” 

The door opened. Sweet frowned when she saw her friend trembling. 

“Rissu, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.” 

“No… just your mum’s porno, nothing we haven’t all seen before.” 

Sweet huffed. “I swear to the maker, Rissu, you’re getting on my nerves.” 

“Clearly a lie, but go on.” 

“The rest of us are going out for drinks, in case your teetotal ass was wondering where we are. You should come, you might even get laid for once.” 

“I’ll pass, but you guys have fun.” 

And with that, Sweet was gone. The door closed behind her and Rissu returned her attention to the mug now lying motionless on the floor. Her mouth was bone dry and her whole body shook as though she was lying naked in the snow. She reached out to pick it up, but stopped half way, squatting down, hand outstretched. Why would she possibly want to reach out for it _now_? 

She turned her hand over so her palm faced up. The mug would come to _her_. Her fingers curled in, starting inwards and ending with her index finger, and she pulled back. Slowly, so much more slowly than she’d have liked, the mug wobbled towards her, almost seeming to walk across the carpet - still on its side, inch by agonising inch. Rissu’s body buzzed with energy again, but it wasn’t her same old restless energy. She recognised it from that night in the square, but it was so feeble compared to that. Rather than making her sick, it only tickled a little. This was really it, she really _was_ Force-sensitive! 

The mug bumped gently against her knuckle, and tears welled in her eyes. She was overcome with emotion, choking on her breath as the tears made their way down her cheeks. This was all just too much. 

She didn’t pick up the mug now that she’d summoned it, instead she occupied herself with turning it on the floor. She had no idea how long she spent like this, sat cross-legged on the carpet, willing the mug to spin faster, more smoothly, with more purpose. Outside her room, she could hear the drunken ambling of her roommates as they left the dorm. It must be so late, but Rissu was full of adrenaline, she couldn’t possibly sleep now, even if she tried. 

Rissu found that the more she concentrated fully on her little task, the more smoothly the mug turned, and the better her will was translated into action. Her mind was clearer than ever. She gushed in uncontrollable excitement, giggling like a little girl when she finally had the mug spinning as perfectly and elegantly as a figure skater, balanced on its rim. 

All of a sudden, she tore herself away, and the mug stilled. She finally picked it up with her own hand, and put it back on the desk. That was enough, for now. It was time to at least try and get some rest. 

Once her elaborate clothing was changed out for simple pyjamas and her face was scrubbed of all make-up, she threw the cover over herself and settled in bed, head resting amongst a nest of pillows. Although her eyes were heavy when she closed them, she knew she’d be up for a while to come. Her brain threatened to explode, it was too much to take in all at once. The last few days had been crazy. Completely beyond what she’d come to expect from her life. 

Rissu thought about him again. She fantasised about how amazed he’d be that she turned out to be Force-sensitive, just like him. She felt like she and him were bonded in a way - after all, it was only because of him that she’d had this awakening in the first place. They were two people with an impossibly rare, precious gift. Rissu wondered if he’d ever met any other Force-users in his life. 

Then an idea hit her. It was an idea so crazy, she felt like it might just work. 

What if she could hone her gift, and _use it_ to get Kylo Ren’s attention somehow? Surely if he caught wind of another Force user somewhere in the galaxy, he’d want to get her face to face with him again. And then she could use the full scope of her power to impress him, and maybe then… 

Now that _was_ a crazy thought. He was so far out of her league. But the rest was so plausible, she could see it all happening. The First Order came down here once, they’d do it again if there was a reason to. And then she’d have her shot, and she’d take it. If nothing else, she could say she’d tried. And by the end she’d be quite the Force user if she trained that hard. 

Rissu’s brain never stopped working, and as she lay there in the darkness, she put together her crazy, perfect plan, until fatigue finally claimed her, and she was lost to the night. 


	4. Lecture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still with me, great! Hope you're still enjoying the story! My biggest concern is how dry it is given it's basically 80% "saga of an OC that I can't imagine anyone else caring about", and how our main man Kylo is around only in the beginning, middle and end, but if you do like Rissu's story, then I'm glad \o/.
> 
> So there is a content warning in this chapter for some in-depth science. Just be aware that I did NOT put in the biology stuff to be understood (she doesn't get it either to be fair). So if you've got no idea what any of it is about, I really hope it doesn't interfere with the story because that wasn't my intention. I'd appreciate feedback on it if it does kind of kill the chapter though. It's not my favourite chapter by far anyway but it's a necessary one for what's coming next.

Rissu continued to develop her gift in private over the course of the next four standard months. She began by moving small objects until she felt more or less comfortable throwing about their weight, and then she progressed to heavier and heavier objects when the time was right. It reminded her of how she trained in the gym. She used the Force so often when she was alone, she quickly found it was an effort to remember to hold back when in company. It was important that she didn’t reveal her gift publicly until she was ready. She wasn’t good enough yet. If he was summoned at this stage… it just wouldn’t be enough. She wouldn’t disappoint him.

That wasn’t all she could do. It turned out there was more to it than telekinesis. She could see into the minds of anyone she wanted, and she could in theory, invade peoples’ minds and enact her will through them. That was something Rissu hadn’t tried though. It was too risky. 

She experienced the world around her differently, more and more so, as her power developed. It was like a sixth sense. She could feel the emotions of others, and sense people and animals through walls, around corners and across streets. She could sense it when the snow was about to fall, or when two drivers in the Arrivane were about to collide. She felt more connected to the world around her than she could ever have imagined. 

Things that had happened throughout her life suddenly made sense. The dreams made sense. Those stupid, mundane dreams she’d had that she’d find herself repeating in her waking moments without fail, down to the last detail. 

This was not to say that life as a Force user had no unexpected challenges. In the gym, struggling under the weight of the barbell, especially in the final sets, she’d always found herself willing the weight upwards in her head, and it took her entirely by surprise the first time - when she suddenly sprang up from her squat, the barbell was weightless on her shoulders. She thanked the maker no one was around to see that. She realised that day that controlling the power was just as important as heightening it. 

* * *

Rissu sat at the back of her class’ usual lecture hall. Given the choice, she’d always sit at the back of the room. Her hair was blue today, full of heavy layers and hairspray, and bangs that covered one eye entirely. She wrote as fast as her hand would allow, and she struggled to keep up with the professor’s pace. This wasn’t right. She _never_ struggled with the work. She understood everything but this, and it was scaring her. 

“So now let’s look at a specific example of these in a eukaryotic system…” 

_Gods, please no… please slow down_. 

The professor pushed a button on his remote, and the holoprojection to his right disappeared, replaced by new one - this time a three-dimensional diagram. 

“...The activator and disassociation elements. We’ve gone over autonomous and non-autonomous transposable elements already - the activator is an autonomous one, the dissociation, non-autonomous.” 

_Wait, I need the words back_. 

Rissu stared blankly at the projection of a magnified DNA sequence. She’d copied only half of the projected text before the diagram replaced it. She _needed_ this first pass on the material. If she couldn’t understand it, she had to memorise it. She _needed that text back_. 

And with a start, it occurred to her that she might have the power to retrieve it. 

Sweat began to prick at her forehead. This would be the first time she’d have used the Force in public. It needed to be subtle. 

“...Therefore, to function, the dissociation needs the activator to be present. As the name suggests, the activator activates the dissociation…” 

Being sat so far back was both a blessing and a curse right now. No one would see her, but being further away would make this harder. She brushed the candy blue strands out the way of her right eye and studied the rather large holoprojector that surrounded the diagram in a full ring. Her eyes scanned the console. She didn’t know which button did what. 

Rissu called out to the Force for guidance, and felt a new certainty about one button in particular, one of the grey ones. She reached out with her index finger, and willed to push it. 

“ _Fuck_ yes…” 

She had her text back, and not wasting a second of it, she copied as fast as she could. Mild confusion crossed the professor’s tired face and Rissu sensed that he was a little irritated. He shook his head briefly, and pressed the button on his remote again. The text vanished. 

“Shit..!” 

The two of them were playing tug-of-war with the projection, and Rissu needed to buy more time. She pressed her button again, the text returned, and from across the expansive room, she yanked the remote out of the professor’s hand. It rolled purposefully under a desk. 

A few giggles bounced around the room. The teacher’s humiliation washed over Rissu. Her eyes flicked to him for a moment and she saw his face redden. She felt terrible, the last thing she wanted was humiliate him but she needed this. As the poor guy knelt down and stuck his hand under the desk, Rissu finished copying the text. She breathed a sigh of relief, and offered her thanks to the Force. 

When she finally allowed the diagram to be displayed, she resumed her gawking, and only then did it sink in. Not the work, but something else. She’d pulled it off - she’d used the Force around other people! She’d pulled it off perfectly, and no one had suspected a thing! 

This was all she needed to know. She was ready to move on to the next stage of her plan. 

* * *

It didn’t take Rissu long to decide how she’d get the First Order’s attention. At first, she played around with the idea of lying low until she graduated from her course, and then applying for a job. Something entry-level like a lab assistant, or maybe get on a grad scheme. The First Order couldn’t control Druemer, but it was known to have a keen interest in its graduates. Getting in wouldn’t be too hard. She pondered over applying to the Academy and going in as an officer, but that idea was quickly dismissed - she wasn’t strong enough in any sense for that. 

By whatever means she did make it there, she could then “accidentally” reveal her gift, and she’d be brought to Kylo Ren. 

There were a lot of problems with that plan though. First, there was no guarantee she’d be able to get a job with them in the first place. Second, if she _did_ manage to secure a job, there was always the chance that no one would know what to do with her power. Most of the employees had probably never even seen Ren before, they wouldn’t know what he was capable of. Or maybe they wouldn’t care enough to react. Either way, she’d then be stuck in an organisation she didn’t want to commit to, not under her current circumstances. 

Besides, she couldn’t wait until she graduated. That was over a year away. 

Rissu’s plan would give her the exposure she needed, but she’d have the freedom that working for the First Order wouldn’t allow. If they never paid her any attention, if they _never_ found her, her life could still go on as normal. Her plan was perfect, and with a little luck, it would fall into place. 


	5. Illusionist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is it for the pre-written chapters. From here on out, everything I write is typed up... well... after now. I'm so glad to have finished this one though, I've been averaging about 2 sentences a day on the smut. I could get blind drunk and write it, I'm more productive that way, but I've done that many times before and the quality in the end just isn't as good. So I took the time to get the hell over myself and write this one sober and I think it paid off.
> 
> So this chapter comes with a content warning for female masturbation. I considered not putting this scene in at all because I can't imagine anyone wants to read about her doing that, but it felt right (well, more that it felt wrong to leave it out), and I wanna write what feels right, so it stayed in. If you don't wanna read that you can skip it, nothing in that scene is necessary for the plot, it's right at the end and ends the chapter so I guess you can stop reading when it comes up and that can be that.
> 
> I want to write this story for me. All I ever wanted to write this for was a method to get as close to fucking a fictional crush as is possible, but when I started thinking about what I might write, my brain couldn't do "just sex", I always end up making up some convoluted plot, and when I uploaded it I honestly didn't give a shit if anyone read it or not. If anyone actually liked it, it would be a bonus is how I felt. But then I uploaded it and PEOPLE LIKED IT =O. People were actually reading my story and saying such nice things about it and saying that my writing was good and I just ended up feeling like I had a responsibility to put out something that people actually might want to read? Because this thing started out with a bang and I feel like the rest is disappointing and boring, and that bothered me, but I couldn't stop writing what my heart was set on.
> 
> But if I'm gonna get to the end of this project I need to stop feeling so ashamed of it, and the only way to do that is to return to writing it just for me. I mean, I appreciate so much that people have been posting saying that they're enjoying it, but I'm writing it for me, it's my fantasy and I'm not going to be ashamed to put out the dull parts any more.
> 
> tl;dr: Female solo scene right at the end, feel free to skip it if you don't wanna read it.

The crisp, cold air of the afternoon made Rissu’s face sting. She made her way through the seemingly endless streets until reaching her destination. Her hair was still blue today. It was disappointing how far out of the way this street was, but it was the only halfway decent spot they’d give a novice performer with no experience to speak of. She’d gone into the district proper as soon as her class finished, and filled out the paperwork to get her performer’s licence. And now here she was. Her first public demonstration of the Force. 

Rissu wheeled her suitcase along behind her until she picked a spot, and here she began to set up her show. She unzipped the suitcase and pulled out a large blanket, laying it out on the ground. Next was a series of small objects, six candles, and a matchbook. She didn’t really have a clue what she was doing. It made sense to her to try to be as natural as possible, but nerves were starting to set in. 

She looked up, along the street’s incline, as she began to kneel down on the blanket. 

“Ow, fuck…” she cursed. She decided to pack a cushion next time. 

She earned fleeting second looks from passers-by as she knelt there, but drew no real attention. That made sense, she hadn’t started yet. She arranged the candles neatly so three were on either side of her - without touching them, of course. She was still struggling with two or more things at once, so they had to be moved one at a time. 

Then, four months after she first thought up her brilliant scheme, she finally began to set it in motion. She knelt there, feet tucked up under her ass, spinning a coffee mug on its rim. It would- _should_ impress the passers-by, she reasoned, because it blew her away the first time she did it. 

It may have been exciting at the time, but now Rissu became bored within minutes. She wasn’t really concentrating on the mug, she was mostly meditating while maintaining a vague awareness of her surroundings. It seemed to make her perform better. It wasn’t long before she closed her eyes. While she couldn’t see the few people who walked by, she could sense their presence as they came and went. In a way, it was almost like seeing them. She sensed them looking at her and her little stunt, and she sensed that they were curious. But, they all left as quickly as they came. They all had their own things to do, and places to be, and… she reached out to the mind of a teenage boy who she felt to be coming up on where she knelt, watching her with interest… she could see exactly what he’d come here to do… 

A light tap on her knee startled Rissu, and her eyes snapped open. The mug had collapsed on its side and rolled into her. 

“Shit…” 

Multi-tasking with the Force was a definite area of improvement for next time. 

The boy’s eyes met hers for a moment, and he dropped something on the blanket, in front of the girl, before walking away down the street. She looked down to see a few credit chips scattered around on the blanket. 

_When did I get these? Was I concentrating that hard_? 

Somehow it had slipped Rissu’s mind that people would give her money. Even though every performer she’d ever seen in the district had some kind of tip jar next to them, she’d forgotten to bring one of her own. 

No matter, she decided. Just something else to add to the inventory next time she performed. 

She looked up, and was disappointed to find that she was now alone in the street. She needed exposure if the First Order was to ever find her. She sighed, and occupied herself with levitating a head-sized rubber ball, putting more and more distance between herself and it, pushing the limits of her ability. 

“You’re pretty good, kid.” 

The voice startled Rissu out of her trance for a second time, and the ball dropped from the air. It bounced down the street until Rissu pulled it back to her. She clutched it nervously to her chest as the man approached, staring her down. 

“Th-thanks!” Rissu said eagerly. “It’s my first show.” 

“Well then, you really are good at this! You’ve got some serious talent!” 

_Oh, of course… he thinks I’m an illusionist._

“Care to let an old man in on your secret?” 

Rissu smirked. “You won’t believe me.” 

“Try me.” 

Rissu leaned in, and the man came closer. “I’m not an illusionist. I’m Force-sensitive.” 

The man chortled. “You’re right… there’s no way I’d believe that! Force-sensitives died out _long_ ago - you need to come up with a better story!” 

Rissu wasn’t fazed. “I can prove it. I bet you my earnings I can read your mind.” 

She gestured to her smattering of chips. It wasn’t much to wager, but it wasn’t like he’d be taking it anyway. 

The man shrugged a little, still wearing the same charming smile. “I’ve got a few minutes, go ahead.” 

Rissu put the ball down, stood up, and shook the man’s hand as he extended it. 

“Okay…” 

Rissu exhaled slowly and entered the meditative state again. Her hands ghosted over the man’s greying temples. 

“You think this is a bunch of bullshit.” 

She opened her eyes and met his. “Paraphrasing, of course. But I don’t need to be a Force user to know that’s what you were thinking. You also think my commitment to the act is a nice touch, what with me pretending to be in a trance and all that.” 

The man’s dark eyebrows knitted a little. 

“And now you think my guesses are getting a little _too_ accurate to be just guesses, so you’re picturing something only _you_ would know to convince yourself fully.” 

Rissu closed her eyes again. She was loving this. 

“I see a photo in a frame. I see you, and a woman holding a baby. There’s another kid in front of her, she’s older. I’d guess that this was a family photo, but I don’t need to guess. I know it is.” 

When Rissu opened her eyes again, the man’s eyes were wide with shock. His hands clumsily reached for his wallet. 

Rissu grinned from ear to ear as she took her winnings from a shaking hand. “I’m Rissu Rattigan, remember the name. I’ll be performing every weekend, so make sure to spread the word!” 

She watched him back off, dumbfounded. His face was a picture of awe. 

“Don’t forget to tell your friends!” 

* * *

Rissu stayed and performed until the sun had started to set. By then her imagination had dried up, but she’d earned a small audience - three people lingered to watch her until the end. Her show ended with her waving a hand, extinguishing the candles that surrounded her, to which she received applause. She needed to save that one until she’d lost light. 

She looked up to her audience of three. “May the Force be with you,” she said. And with that, her first performance was finished. She liked how that sounded, it was something she’d read in one of the holobooks. She decided to close on it beforehand, but only by hearing it did she decide it was so perfect, she’d end every session with it. 

When the moons had well and truly conquered the sun, Rissu finally returned home, exhausted, but still walking on air. She offered a quiet thanks to the Force before she unlocked the door of the dorm. She _never_ would’ve expected her first performance to be such a success. And that made her think. What _did_ she expect to happen? Did she expect no one to show interest? No one to ask? 

She wasn’t expecting to earn credits. She certainly wasn’t expecting an _audience_ of any kind, not for her first time. And she definitely wasn’t expecting to convince anyone. 

And that’s what it was all about. Anything else that happened could just be enjoyed. 

Rin and Jace lay across the living room couch, wrapped around each other so tightly it was hard to tell where she ended and he began. 

“Rissu, babe,” Rin pulled her lips away from her partner’s, watching Rissu as she picked a frozen meal from the freezer. “You’ve been gone all day.” 

She couldn’t argue with that. “I suppose I have.” 

“What’s _with_ you?” Jace asked. He frowned. “You’ve been so secretive lately.” 

_Time to come clean_. 

“I…” 

“Oh gods, Rissu, you’re seeing someone aren’t you?” Rin’s eyes suddenly grew wide in understanding. Her face lit up with triumph. “You don’t have to hide that from us!” 

Rissu sighed with relief. She smiled weakly. “Yeah… yeah, you guessed it.” 

“Holy shit, Rissle-missle’s finally getting some dick, huh?” Jace joined in. 

“What’s that?” Sweet suddenly appeared around the doorway. She was wearing pyjamas. “Rissu’s _actually getting dick_?” 

Rissu’s face was on fire. “Sweet, fuck _off_!” 

“You know, she _did_ look pretty pleased with herself when she got in. Tired out too.” 

“Nah, she can’t have gotten some, she’d be jumping for joy if she had, it’s been that long.” 

All three heads turned towards the girl frozen in shock in the kitchen. 

“So what’s going on, Rissu? Has he fucked you yet?” 

Rissu was mortified. “Not yet, he wants to wait a little longer, now can we _please_ stop talking about my dry spell?” 

Her friends seemed satisfied. Sweet shrugged and whipped back around the door frame, and Rin and Jace resumed dry humping. Rissu was able to keep her secret for a little while longer, and that was fine with her. Not that she had any reservations about telling them, but now that she thought about it, maybe it was easier this way. 

* * *

Rissu lay flat on her stomach. She was too tired to even move the covers before collapsing on the bed. Her right cheek was pressed into the pillow and her arms splayed out on either side. She was too exhausted to move, but she knew she could hardly fall asleep like this. 

Excitement filled her again. Her plan was finally in motion. Not long now, she hoped. If she was patient, she knew she’d be rewarded. After all, the longer she waited, the longer she’d have to practice, and the more impressive she’d be when the time finally came. 

She could only imagine how he’d react. Excitement gave way to the kindling sparks of lust as she imagined, like most nights, what she hoped would come after that. 

With an enormous mental effort, Rissu rolled over onto her back. She pulled down the zipper, and her corset fell away from her torso. The jeans were next to go. She opened one belt, and the fly of her jeans, and reached down for the second belt. Already it was too much effort, but now she was in a sitting position. Rissu shrugged herself out of the corset and wriggled out of the jeans, which pooled at her ankles. She was left in only her bra and panties. 

Sufficiently disrobed for now, she flopped back on her bed. A lazy hand trailed up her taut stomach and found its way to one ample breast. She worked the pads of three fingers into the soft flesh that wasn’t covered by fabric, until she found the energy to reach behind her and pull off her bra too. Her touch more purposeful, her fingers descended to her left nipple, finding the metal bar and fingering it lazily. The kindling between her thighs was a full-blown fire now. Need flooded her veins as the bud hardened under her touch. She flicked the piercing back and forth with her fingertip, whimpering quietly. It felt so much better than rubbing the flesh, and her breaths came deeper than before. She moved to the right one, fingers circling flesh until it was as hard and needy as the other. There used to be metal there too, but it didn’t stand the test of time. 

Her pussy throbbed, and her hand left her breast and moved back down beneath the featherweight lace of her thong to tend to it. She traced gentle circles around her clit, and a slow groan escaped her. She worked slowly, letting her pleasure build until her slow reward wasn’t enough any more. 

Rissu cast her tired mind back to the image of Kylo Ren, that night in the square. She recalled all that he was that night. Her memory of his face was getting more and more hazy by the day, but she still remembered well enough. She recalled his image enough times in these solitary nights of passion that it would be a hard one to forget entirely. The way his emotions and his power hit her, violated her, was something she’d hold on to far more naturally. Her pace became urgent as she recalled his wild anger. 

Her attention descended further down, one finger working its way inside her wet depths. She moaned openly as pleasure spread through her like electricity, she didn’t need to go too far in as her fingertip quickly pressed against her G-spot. She added another finger, it hurt, it was too much, she was too tight, but she had to, nothing else would be enough. Rissu screwed her eyes tight shut and whimpered as she worried that special patch inside her. It felt so good, it felt _so damn good_. 

Against the blackness of her eyelids, he was all she could see. She went back to hammering on her clit as she squirmed under her own touch, and her imagination ran wild. She saw in her mind’s eye exactly what she wanted most as she came so close to her release - him, knelt over her small form, hand tight around her throat, pounding into her frantically, mercilessly. 

She finally broke. Her breaths were shallow and desperate, and she was now shuddering uncontrollably as her release tore through her, her every nerve running white hot. She barely realised when she cried out to the stillness of the air. 

“Kh... Kylo…” she whimpered, the name was torn from her as the orgasm coursed through her body. She couldn’t stop it. “Kylo Rennn-n-n…” 

Rissu’s breathing was deep and slow and her heart pounded as she rode out the last of her climax. She lay flat on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. A wave of angst and longing built up inside her, as though she was listening to the melancholic chords in a mellow song. She knew her plan would take time, but she wouldn’t pretend she didn’t miss him. She wouldn’t pretend that being patient wasn’t hard. 

“Kylo Ren…” she sighed quietly to the nothingness. “I wish you were here.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact - I was originally planning on writing 2 endings for this fic. However one day when I was driving into work I started thinking innocently of ideas for oneshots based on one of these endings, and by the time I came back home this had turned into an entire sequel story. So I've scrapped the alternate endings, and apparently now there's gonna be a continuation of this story that I'm pretty excited to start on some day.


	6. Report

On the surface of Starkiller Base, a blizzard raged. It assaulted the windows of every building, and to look outside, all anyone could see was a whiteness so bright it might blind them. The blizzard had been gaining momentum for days, and it showed no signs of ending, effectively trapping many officers on the planet against their will. 

The fact that the weapon was still under construction was surprising to many since it was well-polished cosmetically. As it happened, the remaining work was mostly on parts of the weapon that most would never see. 

As the wind howled outside, so loudly it brought a chill down the spines of officers and troopers alike, a meeting was taking place. As the discussions reached their close, the long table was now occupied at one end by only three officers. 

“Is that everything, Lieutenant?” 

“No sir,” Lieutenant Mitaka looked down from the General’s scrutinising eyes to his datapad, and resumed scrolling. “There is one last item for the attention of the Commander.” 

His eyes flicked up to meet Ren’s visor. A minute tilt of the head told him he was to continue. 

“We’ve been receiving reports of a Force user practicing on Druemer. Human, female, estimated early to mid-twenties. Goes by the name of Rissu Rattigan.” 

Kylo Ren said nothing. The Lieutenant hesitated. It was impossible to predict what might set the Commander off. Both superiors noticed him shift a little in his seat. 

He continued tentatively. “Our reports tell us she’s based in the university district, where every weekend she…” 

Ren sensed Mitaka’s discomfort. “Go on.” 

“She performs.” 

“ _She performs_.” 

Even through the vocoder, Kylo’s words were heavy with derision. 

“Yes sir. For the last two weeks, she’s been showcasing, for want of a better word… tricks… by use of the Force. Entertaining. Encouraging those who challenge her version of events… urging them to _spread the word_.” 

Kylo nodded once, slowly. “Dismissed.” 

The Lieutenant only realised he’d been clenching his jaw so tightly when he had the chance to relax. “Thank you sir.” He gathered his datapad and files, and hurried away, leaving the Commander and General alone. 

“What are you going to do about the Force user?” Hux asked. “Shall I ready a squadron?” 

“No need.” 

The Commander turned to him. It was difficult to tell what he was thinking at the best of times. “There _is_ no Force user.” 

The redhead straightened in his seat, frowning slightly. “What makes you think that?” 

“No Force user would practice as publicly as this. Not with the First Order around. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were calling out to us.” 

He stood. The General followed suit. 

“This is clearly a trap. They _want_ us to investigate. This is nothing more than a magic show, and a convincing one at that.” 

The pair made to leave the room. As they made their way into the corridor, distancing themselves from the windows, the hammering and howling was a little less offensive. Hux allowed himself to scowl at the Commander when he wasn’t looking. He didn’t trust his judgement, not this time. And yet, he couldn’t act without Ren’s approval. He made a mental note to review the latest Resistance intel as soon as he could. It was all he could do until something changed his colleague’s mind. 

“How can you be _so sure_ there really is no Force user on Druemer?” 

For once, it wasn’t a stab at Ren. He really was curious. 

“Because, General,” Ren said simply. “Nobody could be quite that stupid.” 


	7. Secrets

Two standard months passed, and Rissu performed every weekend like clockwork. In all that time, a lot had changed. Her wishes were honoured - people indeed spread the word. Her audiences now came from districts all around the planet to see if what they’d heard was true. People were starting to come to Druemer from other planets to see the real-life Force user for themselves. 

The snowballing popularity of her shows, and her obvious talent, meant that Rissu was moved around the Arrivane constantly. After her first two shows, she was moved to a better spot each week. It seemed almost unfair to her that she now had a regular spot in the Square after so little time. 

And yet, despite the growing attention, the First Order still hadn’t come for her. 

Rissu allowed herself a few seconds to ruminate, frustrated, as she stood in the Square. Her hair was blond again today, heavy and layered, side-swept bangs a royal red underneath. How much longer was it going to take? Surely they must’ve caught wind of her by now. Her chest ached with disappointment when she considered that maybe Kylo Ren had heard her call, and chose to ignore it. 

She could barely remember what he even looked like any more. Everything about him was a distant memory to her now, the thought that kept her going these recent weeks just being that _he was worth it_ , even if she was starting to forget exactly why. 

Her eyes brimmed with tears of despair. She blinked them away quickly before anyone could see, and looked up the square to her left, at the five gigantic stone flowers in their massive glass vase, water cascading from them constantly. It was such a calming sound. To see the place now, no one would think the First Order had ever come. 

She returned her attention to the line of people waiting in front of her, and to her audience watching, and smiled again. It really was a huge audience. She was doing things a little differently this weekend. She stood next to a large, printed sign that read: 

_FORCE MIND-READING_

__

__

_4 CREDITS_

Rissu was surprised so many people were willing to pay for this. But she reminded herself, as the next in the queue moved forwards and dropped his chips into Rissu’s tip jar, they came and paid for the novelty, which was lost on her long ago. 

She grinned mysteriously, and raised her hands to the tall young man’s temples. She closed her eyes. 

“You busted a nut last night thinking about me,” Rissu announced. A chunk of her audience, both those crowded around her show, and those in line, sniggered openly. Her own lips curled into an involuntary smirk as she tried not to laugh. “I mean… clearly that’s a load of bullsh- oh, no, I can see it now, clear as day.” 

She cringed a little at the image of the guy masturbating furiously in a bedroom somewhere, plastered on the back of her eyelids. People like this seemed to come to her a lot. 

“You should raise your standards a little,” she responded without missing a beat. 

Her hands came away from the guy’s head, and he winked at her before walking away. 

Rissu shook her head as though it would cleanse her of the most recent memory. 

“Okay guys, I’m gonna be calling it a day real soon!” she called out to the expectant line. Her words spilled from her lungs as a chilled vapour, and hung in the air. Just the sight of it made her shiver despite her generous coat. “I’ll see twenty more, but that’s it. I’m really sorry, I know some of you came a long way for this.” 

A few disappointed groans filled the square, but the compliant queue broke away without question. 

“That’s it for another week,” she said to her huge crowd, twenty eager minds and eighty credits later. “Thank you all for coming to watch. I’ve booked the Uptown Theater for next weekend, so expect to see me shake things up a little! For the first time, I’ll make this a REAL show!” 

She was recognising more and more people from previous weeks. 

“As always, I urge you to tell anyone who will listen about what you’ve seen me do. People come here doubting me, they all want me to prove them wrong. I always do. May the Force be with you.” 

The crowd parted, and Rissu began packing away. There wasn’t much to pack today, just her blanket and tip jar. Her sign, she slung over her back by a strap she’d glued to the back of it. Finally, her overnight bag - a backpack that accompanied her every time she performed, just in case that was finally her lucky day. 

As she made to leave, she once again whispered her thanks to the Force for her show. She’d become quite successful. Successful enough that she’d been able to book the Uptown Theater for an evening, anyway. 

She passed one of her own flyers, stapled to a wall, as she walked back up the streets. She’d need to redesign it completely for next week. Her heart pounded - from the anticipation, or from the streets’ incline, she wasn’t sure which. Next weekend, it had to be the night, it just _had_ to. 

* * *

The sun was still out by the time Rissu got back to the apartment block. First, she headed down to the basement. There, she stowed her sign in some forgotten corner, along with her suitcase. She pulled out her two tip jars - one wasn’t enough for all the earnings any more. She turned one around in her hand, watching the light reflect off the many surfaces of the chips inside. Even though she was so far failing to achieve what she set out to achieve, it was certainly a profitable pastime. And she loved every second of it. She considered, for the first time, whether she’d keep on performing, indefinitely, just because it paid her well. She stuffed them both in her backpack. 

When she entered the dorm, Jace was sat alone on the couch. With his datapad held up and obscuring his face, sat with one leg crossed over the other like that, he reminded the girl so much of his sister. 

“Hey Jace,” Rissu greeted him. “Rin’s gone out?” 

“Yeah, she went to pick up dinner.” He paused whatever game he was playing, and set his datapad down. “So, tell me, did you have fun with your fella?” 

Rissu nodded. She slumped down on the couch next to her friend. “Yeah, we went for a walk around the botanical gardens. Took it easy.” 

“And he’s _still_ not putting out?” 

“Yeah, he’s really making me work for it.” 

“Wow… Rissu, I’d have never thought you’d stick around for that long. He must really be worth the wait.” 

Unbeknownst to Jace, Rissu’s thoughts weren’t of her fake boyfriend any more, but of someone more real, and equally out of her reach. 

“Yeah, he’s definitely worth making an effort for,” she said dreamily. Jace noticed the wide smile that had taken over her face, and he returned it. 

“Even if he’s not giving you any yet… I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time,” he said honestly, a hand resting on her shoulder. “I know you’re not ready to tell us about him yet, but whenever you are-” 

“You’re cheating on Rin.” 

In all the time Rissu had practiced delving into the heads of others, she’d made it a rule to respect her friends’ privacy. To invade a mind was an active process, and she never went looking for _their_ thoughts. Not once. She only practiced on strangers. Maybe to avoid the exact situation she was in now. She hadn’t meant to see what she saw, but she’d read hundreds of minds in a single day, it was hard for her to switch off. 

Jace’s features stiffened, and he frowned. “What? That’s bullshit, Rissu.” 

Any guilt she felt about accidentally overhearing Jace’s thoughts and memories vanished. He was lying. It was one thing for him to actually cheat on her friend, but another that he would lie to the death about it. She knew she’d seen a recent memory, because he’d only gotten that tattoo a couple of weeks ago. Rissu sprung up off the couch, and the twi’lek followed quickly. He looked pretty spooked. “You’re lying! You’re fucking _lying_ , Jace!” 

“Look, I dunno where this is all coming from, but you know I wouldn’t cheat on Rin. You _know_ how much I love her.” 

His voice was quiet, he was trying to calm Rissu down. She wasn’t having any of it. The previous respect she had for him was quickly lost. 

“BULLSHIT, Jace! You fucked someone else, don’t try and deny it!” 

“Rissu, keep your fucking _voice down_! You can’t go throwing around accusations like that, I’m gonna get in a _lot_ of trouble over nothing!” 

“Accusations, huh,” Rissu snorted. “Her name’s Atilla, she’s got blond hair, and you were with her two nights ago. You were in _her_ bed, in _HER_ house, six doors down from yours. The bedsheets were blue, and she had fairy lights on the headboard that fell down twice and it pissed you off a little. You thought you were doing something wrong the whole time, because she wouldn’t stop giggling.” 

Jace’s jaw dropped. 

“So don’t fucking _lie_ to me, Jace, because I know everything.” 

“What the… what the fuck, Rissu,” he babbled. “How the fuck do you _know_ all this?” 

Rissu glowered. “Let’s just say you’re not the only one with a secret,” she said darkly. 

“So, what then?” he questioned fiercely. The tables had turned, and he was owning every second of it. He jabbed a finger at Rissu. “Yeah, I was with someone else, but I’ve got _nothing_ on you. What the fuck do you do, Rissu, follow us around and watch us in bed? What kind of sick fuck _DOES_ that?” 

“Gods, Jace, nothing like that!” Rissu cried, wide-eyed with shock. She wasn’t quite sure how this had ended up being about _her_ , but all of a sudden, it was. 

“What the fuck else is it, Rissu?” 

She paused. “You can’t tell anyone this.” 

_Wow, that just makes it sound worse_. 

“I’m Force-sensitive. I can see your memories, and I can see what you’re thinking. I swear to the gods, I didn’t mean to, but I’ve been reading minds for money all day and it just kind of… happened.” 

“...Force-sensitive? You mean, like… that First Order shit?” 

Rissu nodded. “Exactly like that. It’s only because we were there that night, I even found out I’m the same.” 

Disbelief was written all over Jace’s features. He folded his arms. “You… you can’t expect me to believe this, can you?” 

“Is it any less believable than me following you around into some girl’s bedroom?” 

The twi’lek’s words caught in his throat, only air came out. She was right, and he knew it. 

“We both know what we saw, we all saw it. It’s real, and I can do it too. I’ve been doing it for months. _That’s_ what I’ve been hiding. Not a boyfriend.” 

He still didn’t believe her. “Prove it.” 

_The audacity! He lies about cheating on Rin, and he expects_ me _to have to prove something to_ him! 

Rissu rolled her eyes. She reached to the ceiling with her right hand and yanked it back down. As she did, the ceiling light exploded. Jace jumped. Dust and ground glass rained down on the pair, and the darkened room was filled with a layer of smoke so fine no one else would notice, if not for the smell of burned metal. 

“Is that enough? I can go all night with this, it’s all child’s play to me now.” 

Jace fell silent, finally bested. His arms fell limply to his sides and his shoulders slumped. “Yeah. Yeah… that’s enough, you don’t need to do any more.” 

* * *

Rissu had been meditating for a little over an hour, knelt on the covers of her bed, when Jace knocked on her door. The girl pulled up a chair for him, and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. He sat down, not quite knowing where to begin. 

“I… just wanted to say thanks for not telling Rin what you saw,” he said. “In… in my head.” 

“I’d rather she heard it from you.” 

“I know, and she will. I should’ve never let things get as far as they’ve gotten. But, for now… you keep my secret, and I’ll keep yours, how does that sound?” 

_I’m a piece of shit for this_ … 

She held out her hand, and Jace shook it. 

“Deal,” she said begrudgingly. 

“You know, you could’ve told us. We’re your friends, I dunno what you were expecting us to do.” 

“That’s the thing, I _didn’t_ know what you’d do with it. It was easier to keep it to myself than risk finding out what. I’m surprised it’s taken you this long, actually, I mean, that’s what I’ve been doing every weekend. I’ve been performing down in the district proper.” 

“Holy shit, that was _you_?” 

“What have you heard?” 

“I heard was there was a girl performing who was _probably_ a real Force user. Never heard her name. I never made the connection ‘cause… well, I thought you were out with some guy on the weekends.” 

The pair fell into silence. 

“Don’t you feel like it’s a waste though? I mean, if I had powers like that… I wouldn’t be some street performer- no offense. I’d go out and make something of myself.” 

Rissu’s stormy eyes dropped to the carpet. “Maybe some day I will. I just kinda hoped that if I just did the most… public, obnoxious thing I could think of… maybe Kylo Ren would come back for me.” 

She smiled a little. This was the first time she’d said it aloud, and it was somehow a relief to her to hear that it sounded stupid. She still fixated on that same spot on the floor and never saw Jace’s look of horror. “I was hoping… I was hoping if he could see how hard I’ve worked to be as strong as him, he’d be so impressed, he might want me as much as I want him.” 

She caught sight of her friend’s face as she finally looked up at him, and remembered exactly why she never wanted to tell him. 

“Maker, Rissu… you want _Kylo Ren_? Don’t you remember what he _did_?” 

“Yeah, Jace, I remember!” Rissu bit back defensively. “I know how it sounds but it is what it is. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and that’s all there is to it!” 

“You met him for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES! He’s a fucking MURDERER! How do you EXPECT it to sound?” 

“Please, just chill the fuck out, Jace.” Now Rissu was the one begging her friend to keep the volume down. 

“He’ll kill you, Rissu. He won’t wanna fuck you, he’ll fucking _kill you_.” 

It hurt enough when she said it to herself, but hearing her friend say it was like being stabbed in the gut. “You don’t know that!” 

“I know enough! Rissu, you _can’t_ perform any more. _Please_. I don’t wanna see you get killed. If you perform again, I’ll have no choice but to tell the girls.” 

“You wouldn’t. I’d just tell Rin what you did.” 

“I don’t care. Tell her. Seeing you alive is more important.” 

“I…” 

Jace stared fixedly as though it would coax the blond to speak. 

“He’s not coming for me anyway. It’s been two months. If he was interested, he’d have come by now.” 

“All the more reason to end this now. While you still can.” 

He hooked a finger under the girl’s chin and forced her to look up at him. 

“ _No more performing_."

“No more performing.” 

Jace smiled. He was satisfied. After he left the room, Rissu began unpacking her overnight bag for another week. At least he was off her case for now. She hated lying, especially to her friends. But she needed to keep going, and no one would stop her. It had all gone way too far, and she was too powerful now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally, Jace was going to be Rissu's boyfriend. Everything played out in the same way with regards to what she saw, but she didn't confront him and the break-up wasn't hostile. She told him that they'd drifted apart (which wasn't a lie, because she'd been growing more enamoured with Kylo), and he never found out about what she was doing.
> 
> I decided in the end to make him Rin's boyfriend instead because I preferred the idea of Rissu suffering a seemingly neverending dry spell because ~~she is a self-insert after all~~ it would feel so much more worth it when everything came together.


	8. Investigate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.K.A - Alex has been playing too much _Force Unleashed_.
> 
> God damn, angry Kylo Ren might be not only one of the hottest things to ever exist, but also one of the most fun things to write about. I had a lot of fun writing this. Sorry it's short.

“Sir, we’re receiving a- an… overwhelming number of reports about the Force user. The one on Druemer.” 

The young officer stood before Kylo Ren, whose temper was clearly bubbling just under the surface already, from gods only knew what. He took measured breaths through clenched teeth. Though the room was huge, it was just the two of them in there. He could see the officer tremble violently from head to toe, he could see how terrified she was, and he found it quite intoxicating in that moment. He could hear it in how she stammered her words and how she couldn’t even breathe properly, and he could sense it as clear as day with the Force. It washed over him with all the satisfaction of a hot bath after a long day. 

He didn’t have the time to waste on this matter. Not today. 

“We-we’re getting hundreds of reports every day. She’s looking more and more like the real deal, sir, the more we learn about her. She’s not affiliated with any organisation, but she seems to take some inspiration from the Jedi.” 

It was obvious that the officer wanted to be there just as much as Ren wanted her to be, but she had a job to do. 

“Our current intel on Rattigan brings up no ties to the Resistance whatsoever, and our intel on the _Resistance_ tells us that they have no ambush currently planned for us. Please, sir, it’s strongly advised that you investigate.” 

The somewhat stable look on the Commander’s exposed face wasn’t necessarily a good sign, and everyone knew that - particularly the officers who were tasked with delivering reports to him. Usually, the only way one could tell things hadn’t gone badly was _after_ they left the room uninjured, or at least still alive. 

“I do not…” he said slowly. “Want to hear ABOUT _THAT **FUCKING STREET PERFORMER!**_ ” 

As he bellowed, his words bounced off the walls of the cavernous room, and the girl flinched openly, her eyes brimming with tears. Delivering a report suddenly became begging for her life as Ren’s right hand flew out, and she was hurled into the air, higher, higher, until she was halfway to the impossibly high ceiling. Her screams of terror and incoherent pleading rang around the room as she flailed and thrashed uselessly against the man’s unseen grip. 

Kylo pushed her back, towards the window. It was wide, stretching from one wall to the next, giving a brilliant view of the neverending expanse of space from their position on board the Finalizer. With his other hand, he called to the Force and ripped a swivel chair from where it sat bolted to the floor, and hurled it at the window. 

Quickly, that hand gripped tightly to the railings in front of him, bracing for impact. The window smashed, and he hurled the officer through it, and quickly, her screams were lost to the void of space, and the only thing that remained was the sheer terror that washed over him from inside her. Only for a brief moment did the vacuum of space try to claim the Force user too, but once the emergency shields kicked in, the room was again stable. He’d done this enough times to know how to do it safely. 

A mere second after the life force inside the officer was snuffed out, Kylo Ren had company again. General Hux crossed the room quickly, coming to where Kylo stood. He surveyed the damage. 

“Honestly, Ren,” he said, voice heavy with exasperation as he watched the swollen corpse float away into space. “That was rather crude, even for you.” 

The look Ren gave the General said, in as few words as possible, that he didn’t care. 

“I have to investigate the street performer now… don’t I?” he said. It wasn’t really a question, so he didn’t really ask it. 

“You know the answer to that, Ren.” 

The robed man sighed quietly. “I’ll need a copy of the intel. I wanna know when we have to go get her. And alert Captain Phasma, tell her to ready a squadron for when that time comes. We’re going back to Druemer.” 


	9. Blinded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is long. Like, LONG. But it all comes together in this one.
> 
> This chapter was a blast to write.

Tonight. Was. The night. 

That’s what Rissu told herself as she sat at her dresser, applying her make-up with care. Whatever happened, tonight was the night. Her first show in the Theater, anyway. She liked to think it was her first real show. Rissu’s itinerary tonight took influences from things she’d seen on the HoloNet as a child. Performance artists walking through crowds and paying special attention to specific people. Calling volunteers onto the stage to assist with their tricks. She’d spent all week refining it. 

She smirked a little, remembering that she’d been effectively locked in her bedroom. Locked in the dorm. Jace was right not to trust her. Everything came out when he spotted one of Rissu’s new flyers down in the district proper and realised she had no intention whatsoever of missing the booking. Her roommates treated the news with the same concern as Jace did. But they took things a little further. They threatened to tell the university if she didn’t agree to stay home tonight. And Rissu’s parents. Somehow, that was the more frightening thought of the two. 

When they threatened to tell the authorities, Rissu did admit that they had a point. Was what she was doing entirely legal? Surely there was something to be said for deliberately baiting the First Order to the planet’s surface, no matter how neutral their relationship was. 

The girls decided to deactivate her bedroom door only after Rissu reminded them that they had no power over her, and if she wanted to perform, nothing on the planet could physically stop her. So they hired an engineer to disconnect her door from the power supply, and she’d been shut in her room all day. She was okay, and her roommates knew it. They knew she hoarded protein bars under her bed and habitually drank the water from her refresher sink. What they were hoping to achieve by killing off her door, Rissu did not know. 

“Whatever makes ‘em feel better,” Rissu thought aloud. 

She wasn’t actually opposed to cancelling, just once. Just to throw her roommates off the trail. If not for something inside her that told her, with more certainty than ever, that if there was one week she _couldn’t_ miss, it was this one. It could’ve been a fallacy, of course - now that she had the added pressure from her friends, and the option of cancelling, there was now a voice to tell her otherwise. Like the gambler who knows that their _next_ spin will make everything right, every time. If not for the fact that she recognised that certainty as something much bigger than herself. 

After changing into her usual elaborate clothing, Rissu sat down to curl her hair. She did it expertly, and she did it with love. She had it the same faded pastel pink she’d worn it that night. She had no way of knowing what colour Kylo Ren might prefer her hair to be, so her choice was based on sentiment alone. 

And finally, her overnight bag. In one compartment, she packed a toothbrush. She picked up pyjamas… no, she wouldn’t be needing those. She put them back down and grabbed a pack of wet wipes. Hopefully she’d _definitely_ need those. They went in. Her nightly contraceptive pills, spare socks and panties, deoderant, those all went in. She packed her make-up bag too, just in case. She’d be damned if she let him of all people see her looking anything less than immaculate. She reached under the bed and threw in a few protein bars too, just in case she didn’t have anything safe to eat for a while.

A quick glance at her datapad told her it was 18:00, and she had an hour to get to the theater. She grabbed her favourite coat - the black one, of course, with the enormous hood and fur trim, and moved towards the door. She studied it, and she knew it was effectively dead. She had no idea what locking mechanisms kept it closed, but whatever it was, she could get through it. She’d just have to destroy the door. 

She called out to the Force, placed her hands on the seam between the two halves. and began to rip apart whatever was inside that kept them together. The muffled sound of metal grinding and clicking against metal told her she was achieving _something_ , even if she couldn’t see what. Small pieces of the inner workings clattered as they collected at the bottom of the hollow structure, she was breaking it gradually… 

And finally, she could hear nothing. There was no more metal to pull apart. Rissu waved a hand, and the heavy door slid submissively along its tracks, meeting no resistance. She slung the backpack over her shoulders, and left the room, steeling herself for whatever her roommates had planned for her. She crept out as quietly as she could, sensing that Rin was in the living room, vigilant. She couldn’t avoid passing her on the way out of the dorm. 

There, she waited in silence. She waited for Rin’s attention to be trained elsewhere, just for a moment. She concentrated so hard on waiting for that perfect moment, she never noticed Sweet leave her room and meet her in the corridor. 

“Rin, she’s out!” Sweet shouted urgently. “Get the tape!” 

Rissu still had a few tricks left up her sleeve. She focused her mind as best she could in that panicked moment, and waved her hand in front of her friend. “You will join Rin in the living room and let me leave in peace.” 

She’d never seen Sweet look so confused. When she spoke, she seemed almost amused. “I dunno what the fuck you think you’re trying to do, but I’m not letting you leave.” 

_Shit… I knew she’d be too strong._

Rissu sensed Rin behind her, all too late. She grunted in shock as her hands were yanked behind her back. She thrashed as she was dragged backwards into the living room by the pair, but her body was completely overpowered. Her mind could free her, but she wouldn’t hurt her friends. Not unless she had to. 

With an offensive creak, Sweet ripped open the roll of electrical tape and quickly began to wrap it around the Force user’s wrists. 

“Please, just let me go,” Rissu pleaded. “This will end so much better for you both if you just _let me go_.” 

“No way, we’re not sending you off to your death! This is for your own good!” Rin grunted, voice uneven as she fought against Rissu’s constant struggling. Sweet wrapped the tape about a dozen times around, and then relented. 

“We won’t let you go without a fight,” the brunette continued. 

Rissu’s body stilled, chest thrown outwards by the forced angle of her shoulders. “Is that an invitation?” 

“You’re saying you need _permission_ to attack us?” 

Rissu nodded. “If you knew the extent of my power, you’d understand why.” 

She tasted their emergent fear on the Force. They were beginning to understand, and it would be with a heavy heart that Rissu would help them understand entirely. 

“I’m so sorry for this,” she said. “It won’t look like I am, but I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do.” 

She ripped through her bonds with ease, and in an instant the two girls were upon her. Rissu staggered under their combined weight, and they brought her to her knees. They grunted with exertion, and the Force user screamed, throwing out her arms. The two were hurled back with such a force that even Rissu was shocked. Rin collided so hard against the wall that it demolished the plasterboard and exposed the metal bones behind it. Sweet was hurled backwards over the couch and landed on her head at a worrying angle. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

Rissu pushed with both hands and toppled the whole couch backwards onto the twi’lek. She cried out in pain as a tangle of long, purple limbs was squashed under the weight. Rissu was satisfied that she was trapped, and with all her telekinetic strength, hurled the other couch at the brunette still slumped against the damaged wall, winded from the impact. She moaned in agony. 

“Please forgive me.” 

Both girls were incapacitated, for now. She wouldn’t hurt them further unless they gave her reason. 

“I’ll see you both real soon,” she said in a wavering voice. “I’ll be okay.” 

And with that, she fled the building. 

*

_What have I done?_

Rissu was haunted by the weight of her actions for the whole bitter, cold hour that she walked. 

_Don’t cry. You can’t cry, you’ll ruin your eyeliner. You want Kylo Ren to see you with smudged eyeliner?_

She really was a steaming pile of bantha shit. She’d hurt her friends, deliberately attacked her best friends, left them there, not even checked to see if they were okay, all because of her own selfish needs, and she was worrying about her _eyeliner_? 

The tears that pricked at her eyes quickly felt like ice. She stopped walking for a moment and collected herself. She _was_ a piece of shit, that wasn’t even a question. But she did what she did because she had to. She’d have had it ANY other way than the way it happened. That was the last thing she wanted to do. They didn’t understand, and Rissu expected that they never would. And that was okay. They didn’t understand that Rissu NEEDED to be there tonight. 

And if they never forgave her, that would be okay, because it was exactly what she deserved. Rissu walked on as she accepted the punishment that had yet to come. 

She continued on down into the district proper, passing famed restaurants and impossibly glamorous hotels, until she reached the Uptown Theater, on the corner. Already, the queue snaked around the corner into the next street. 

Rissu was so preoccupied with her guilt, her self-loathing, and her ever-growing nerves, that she never even noticed her name up in lights outside. She just took a few deep breaths, eyes to the ground, and went on in. 

* * *

The girl’s heart was hammering so hard and so fast, she was certain she would die. _Imagine that_ , she thought to herself in effort to calm her rampaging nerves. _The First Order comes tonight, and I drop dead minutes before they get here._. 

She stood on a stage, facing the wrong side of an enormous, royal red curtain. It was dark. So dark. So quiet. She could swear her hammering heart was echoing around the space she occupied. She was waiting for an announcer to call her name, and the curtain would come up. And then she’d walk forward, and the rest would be as she’d planned it. 

Wait, what was she starting on again? 

_Oh, gods! What the_ FUCK _am I opening with? What am I_ CONTINUING _with_?” 

Her mind was blank. She couldn’t remember a thing. 

“Oh, gods… oh shit, oh shit…” she began to whisper to herself in blind panic. 

She jumped as a gentle hand started to rub her back and a barely broken voice shushed her. 

“Hey… shhh…” the stagehand whispered. Shaking, Rissu looked over her shoulder. He must’ve been barely sixteen. “Take it easy… if you’ve made it here, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

“I know,” the girl whispered. “It’s just-” 

“You know what they say about stage fright,” the stagehand continued. “They say we confuse our anticipation for fear. So when you feel like you’re too nervous to perform… you’re actually excited.” 

Rissu’s stormy blue eyes met the kid’s soft, brown ones.“You know, that actually makes me feel better.” 

She straightened her back a little. She would own her excitement. 

“Thanks mate.” 

She smiled, still somewhat nervously, at the kid. When he turned away and resumed his previous duties, Rissu realised he’d done that a hundred times before for a hundred other performers. It was the last thought that warmed her heart before, somewhere in the distance, she registered the sound of her name booming through many speakers, and when the curtain disappeared into the rafters, spotlights threatened to blind her, and applause disoriented her. 

She blinked, and forgot she was supposed to walk forward. She just stood there, frozen in fear. As the applause died down, there was silence. After her eyes adjusted to the spotlights trained on her, Rissu looked up, and when she saw the size of the crowd, almost vomited then and there. 

_I can’t do this!_

Running away was somehow not an option. So she just stood there, shaking, drowning in the unrelenting, overbearing, expectant silence as she willed herself to do _something_. 

She must’ve been rooted to the stage for days with all those hundreds of eyes fixed on her, and her alone. People in the crowd must’ve waited so long for her to make a move that they died of old age. Or starvation. Or dehydration. Whichever came first. 

“She’s terrified…” a lone voice bounced about from somewhere at the front of the crowd. It brought her back to her senses, and a fresh wave of humiliation threatened to crumble her. “The poor thing’s terrified. Come on people, let’s show her some support!” 

The audience erupted into a fresh wave of applause. It wasn’t the polite formality that accompanied the curtain rising though. This was different. This came from the heart. It was raucous. It was a wall of noise, screaming and cheering encouragement. The girl gushed. Awe was written all over her face. She could pick out words here and there, her name, phrases, people telling her _she could do it_ and that _they loved her_ and _she was the best performer they’d ever seen!_

And that was all she needed. Her incredible crowd nearly had her crying all over again, her thumping heart glowing with affection. She strode forwards, the thud of her heavy boots lost entirely to the din still pouring out from her audience. Rissu waved a hand above her head, directing them to stop. 

“Thank you…” she began.The tiny microphone strapped to her ear and jutting out towards her mouth amplified her voice, and it boomed out from every speaker up above. “Thank you all so much. Talk about the kindness of strangers…” 

She stepped forwards a little more, and now the footfalls of her army boots made it to the very back of the room. 

“As the gentleman in the front pointed out, I am indeed very nervous,” she continued. She was pacing back and forth across the stage. She talked with her hands a lot. “This is all really new to me. Just over two months ago, I started out performing for pocket change in some forgotten corner of the district… it’s all happened so fast. I’m still not really used to performing for big crowds yet. Hopefully as the night goes on, I’ll get more confident.” 

Rissu paused for a moment to take a few measured, deep breaths, in and out. A handful of small, distant cheers bounced around the audience. She resumed pacing. 

“I actually had a little trouble getting here tonight…” 

She was deviating from the start of her itinerary completely. Improvisation definitely didn’t come naturally to her, but it felt right. She stopped, and turned to her audience for effect. 

“I was _attacked_.” 

She said it slowly and dramatically. “There were people who didn’t want me to be here tonight. They _locked me in my bedroom_. Cut off the power to my door. So… you know what I-” 

There it was. If it wasn’t for the perfect silence in the theater, broken only by the sound of her own voice, she might never have heard it so soon. Such a distant memory, yet so familiar… A sound she’d been longing to hear. 

The distant thrumming of a First Order Lander. 

It grew closer and closer, louder and louder, and when the crowd heard the muffled sound of the craft landing somewhere outside, confused murmuring spread about the crowd. 

Rissu laughed. “Fucking FINALLY!” she cried in jubilation. “I’m incredibly sorry about this, everybody, but I’m gonna have to take off. I’m sure you can get your entry refunded… if not, I’ll try and sort something out when I get back.” 

The murmurs grew into a nonplussed rabble, and a second later, three sets of entrances - centre, left and right, burst open. Rissu practically jumped for joy when stormtroopers flooded down the aisles. 

“Hey! HEY!” she called, forgetting for a moment her voice was already amplified. It came distorted out of the speakers, too loud. She waved her arms frantically above her head, trying to get the soldiers’ attention. “I’m over here! Please don’t go taking hostages again, I’m coming quietly.” 

And with that, she dashed backstage, ripped off her tiny little microphone, grabbed her coat and overnight bag from the table where she’d left them, and allowed two stormtroopers to escort her out of the theater. 

* * *

The perks of being a civilian from a neutral planet were obvious. The ‘troopers were gentle with Rissu, treated her with respect. One of them even showed her how to strap herself in when she was seated on board the officers’ shuttle, preparing her for transit. Or maybe their kindness was out of fear of her power. They did work under Kylo Ren, after all, and as far as they knew, she was just as dangerous as him. 

She'd been collected by two officers, one male and one female, both wearing immaculate black uniforms. The female looked to be around Rissu’s age, the male perhaps a decade older. Her heart sank a little when she realised Ren hadn’t come this time, but given how this was her grand plan progressing _exactly_ as she’d hardly dared to dream, she wasn’t taking it for granted. 

Rissu sat on a white bench next to the female officer, with the male officer sat opposite. On each side of them were four ‘troopers. They sat in silence for the first few moments of transit. 

“I have to ask, Rattigan,” the female officer broke the silence. “Why are you smiling?” 

“Are you kidding?” Rissu said, still wearing her dumb grin. “I’ve been waiting for you guys to come and get me for _months_!” 

“You say that as though you _wanted_ to be caught…” the male said slowly and suspiciously. His stare was intense. 

“Well, yeah, that was my plan all along.” 

The male met eyes with his colleague, and they were filled with concern. “Looks like she might have been part of a trap after all.” 

“Trap?” Rissu repeated incredulously. “Gods no! I assumed you’d take me to see Kylo Ren… and then we could bond over our gift, get to know each other better, and then mayb-” 

Rissu didn’t finish. She didn’t bother. She folded her arms and scowled in annoyance at the two officers who had burst into laughter on either side of her. Odd hissing noises came from the front and back, and Rissu realised that some of the ‘troopers were sniggering too. 

She waited semi-patiently for them to stop, but they just kept on going, as though there was some joke being passed around that everybody else was in on except her. 

“What’s so funny?” she questioned. 

No one responded, the joke was too much for them, it would seem. The female officer had tears running down her face, her wet eyes screwed tight shut. 

“Tell me why you’re laughing,” Rissu pressed. A chill crept up her spine. It was something she said, and that thought worried her. 

“TELL ME!” 

A hand shot out to the male, catching him off guard. He flinched in surprise, his own hand reached instinctively for his neck as he realised Rissu was trying to choke him with the Force. 

Trying. 

Eight blasters were raised in an instant, but they didn’t shoot. They were scared, they hid it well but the Force betrayed their fear to Rissu. They’d seen Kylo Ren do this more times than they could count, she imagined. And it scared them. 

Rather than being a confident, powerful, destructive act that could be expected from the Commander, Rissu choked the man tentatively, half-heartedly. It was little more than a feeble clawing at his throat. It was clear to him that she’d never done this before, and it was even more obvious that she meant no harm. He waved his hands in front of him dismissively, and the ‘troopers sat at ease again. He coughed out the remainder of his mirth, and straightened up in his seat. At least no one was laughing now. 

“Rattigan… I don’t think you realise exactly what’s going to happen to you,” he responded. “Commander Ren doesn’t _bond_ with Force users… he KILLS them. That’s his job!” 

Rissu’s entire body chilled right down to the bone. Suddenly she felt numb, the shuttle around her seemed to cease to exist. 

“You _honestly_ came here to _seduce Kylo Ren_?” 

The female couldn’t quite believe it. She began to wipe the tears off her cheeks with a handkerchief. Rissu’s face couldn’t possibly be redder. “Oh… incredible… we’ll be talking about this for years to come, I’m sure…” 

“This really is the stuff of legend,” the male agreed, nodding. 

The woman finally addressed Rissu. “There’s a sector within the First Order that’s dedicated to tracking down the last of the Force users. They’re taken to the Commander, and he dispatches them. Believe me… he’s killed Force users a _hundred_ times better looking than you without a second thought. You’re going to die with us, Rattigan.” 

For the last minute or so of transit, everyone was again silent. Rissu felt sick, the only reason she didn’t throw up was because her stomach was empty. She sat, frozen to the bench, staring vacantly at some spot on the opposite wall, not able to bring herself to move. 

So this was how she was going to die. Jace was right. Rin and Sweet were right. They’d tried to protect her from exactly this fate because they understood. She thought _she_ was the one who understood, and her friends couldn’t see it, but on the contrary, Rissu had been in denial the whole time. It had been staring her in the face the whole time, but she’d refused to see it. Anything that told her that her plan would fail, she refused to see. That was why she’d never even come up with an exit strategy. That was why she’d never even questioned why she and Ren seemed to be the only two people in the whole galaxy who could use the Force. That was why she never asked herself _why_ the Empire had destroyed every text they could find on the Force. Her desire had blinded her. It had led her to slaughter. 

No one said anything when the engines powered off, and the shuttle’s ramp descended. The same ‘trooper from before helped Rissu out of the white safety harness, and she must’ve looked as terrified as she felt, because she sensed a little empathy inside him, and he patted her twice on the shoulder, seeing her off. 

A far cry from the clinical white interior of the shuttle, the hangar Rissu descended the ramp into was a sleek black. Red and white lights twinkled on every wall, their purpose a mystery to the girl. Stormtroopers and various other members of staff crossed each other as they walked through the expansive hangar. Already, the newcomer's unusual appearance attracted stares, some open, some subtle. The place was alive with purpose, and Rissu felt as though she could sit in here and watch everyone work for hours. 

“Where… where are we?” she asked. 

“Welcome aboard the Finalizer,” the female answered, still leading Rissu along, not looking back. She set a fast, efficient pace, even in her heels. “Flagship of the First Order's grand fleet. You’ll never see a finer craft in your whole life, Rattigan.” 

She finally turned back. “You wouldn't, anyway.” 

Rissu swallowed hard. They kept walking, out of the hangar, through corridor after identical corridor, taking disorienting twists and turns. They were in a maze of metal. The girl found herself impressed that the officers could navigate this place with such ease. At some point, the male broke away, and only the female and a guard of two ‘troopers escorted Rissu to wherever it was she was wanted. 

“Can I ask what’s gonna happen to me now?” 

Two left turns. 

“The Commander’s in a funny sort of mood today,” the woman replied. “At least - he’s in a funny sort of mood whenever _you’re_ mentioned. He wants to duel with you.” 

“What- did you say _duel?_ ” 

A right turn. 

“Correct. He said something along the lines of “if she claims to be a Jedi, she won’t mind if I dispatch her the traditional way”.” 

The next corridor seemed to go on for an age. Thanks to the holobooks she’d read, Rissu was familiar enough with the idea of dueling. 

“But- but I’ve literally _never_ dueled in my life. And where’s he gotten the idea that I’m a _Jedi_?” 

“That I can’t tell you, because I don’t know. Wait-” 

The officer suddenly stopped, and Rissu nearly walked straight into her. She turned around. 

“You said you’ve never dueled before. That would mean… you _don’t_ have a lightsaber.” 

The Force user shook her head in confirmation. The officer sighed in annoyance, and pulled what looked like a comlink from her jacket pocket. 

“Officer Daarus? Yes, I know. YES, I KNOW. Yes, but this is important too- Rattigan doesn’t- Rissu Rattigan, the Druemerian Force user- that doesn’t matter, she _doesn’t_ own a lightsaber, she’ll need one of the spares. YES, WE HAVE SPARES, WE TOOK THEM FROM THE DEAD JEDI. _Thank you_. Meet me there, please.” 

She stowed the device back in her pocket. “You do now.” 

The rest of the journey to “there” was completed in silence, and Rissu still didn’t have an exit strategy. She didn’t know what to do, or where to go. She just followed the officer to her death, because following her was the only thing she could be certain of. 

When they arrived “there”, a third officer greeted them. He nodded once at Rissu, handed her a metal object, and left down the path the two women had just come from. From her reading, Rissu knew the object to be a lightsaber. She was surprised at how light it was, given its size. It didn’t quite fit comfortably in her hand. Maybe in another life, she’d have had the time to get used to it. She thumbed the lone button that she assumed would activate it. 

“...May I?” she asked, looking the officer in the eye for the first time since they’d met. 

“Just be careful with it.” 

The ‘troopers behind them formed a gangway, retreating to either wall, as Rissu pointed the end of the saber down the corridor, holding the hilt at arms’ length, and pressed the button. It burst to life, the beautiful, elegant blade bathing the black corridor in yellow light. It vibrated a little in her hand, humming gently. 

“Amazing…!” 

Satisfied, Rissu powered it off, and allowed her right hand to hang at her side. 

“Thank you, officer…” 

“Gibson. That’s my name.” 

“Thanks. So, I guess… I have to go in here?” 

Rissu indicated the black sliding door behind them. 

“Yes. This is where I’ll be leaving you. I wish you the best. And… for what it’s worth… I’m sorry that you got caught up in all this. It’s regrettable to see an innocent life cut short over nothing.” The sadness in her green eyes proved she was sincere, and in her thoughts, Rissu could see that she wished her a death that was as quick and painless as possible. Officer Gibson nodded her head to the door, and opened it. Without looking back, Rissu walked through. 

She found herself in another corridor. This one stretched on for a while with no doors leading off it. So, she walked along, slowly, on weak and trembling legs, borrowed lightsaber swinging in her right hand. It wasn’t long before an overwhelming feeling of certainty began to light her up from the inside. A certainty that a life-form of unimaginable power waited at the end of this corridor. The buzzing was back, she hadn’t felt this in a long time, and it grew stronger and stronger with every step she took. It was him, she knew it, she recognised it. Her heart hammered again. Only a Force user could make her feel like this. 

By the time she reached the door at the end, she reeled from the sheer power she was sensing on the other side. She hadn’t sensed this in him that night, not in this way… she _couldn’t_ , she hadn’t started to develop her own powers by then. She was blind to the Force back then. 

Her heart pounded so fiercely in her throat she feared it would cut off her airway. After what seemed like an age, she opened the door. 

The room was expansive and blank, just grey and black all around with no windows and nothing on the walls. If Rissu didn’t know any better, she’d have said it really _was_ a private colosseum. And right in the middle of the empty floor, Kylo Ren stood, waiting for her. 

It was really him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut happens in the next chapter.


	10. Sacrilege

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... uh... okay. You ever write something that truly makes you take a good look at your life? I'm gonna go throw myself off a bridge in shame now. That counts as a cold shower... right?
> 
> I've made a few assumptions about Kylo in this chapter for the sake of... various things. I'll mention those at the end.
> 
> So I said the last chapter was long? I ran the numbers and this comes out at just over 5,500 words. So, uh... put the kettle on I guess because this is the longest one yet. Probably the longest one overall, but I can't say for certain yet.
> 
> I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

For a while, the two just stood where they were, staring each other down. 

_No. This isn’t right. Why’s he wearing a_ mask? 

They were alone in the colosseum. Around the room, there were doorways without doors, leading off to _somewhere_. And those doorways had no guards. Rissu was confused. Why didn’t they station guards if she was here to be executed? What would await her, what would STOP her, if she was to run? 

Kylo’s head tilted so subtly, Rissu barely noticed it. He walked forwards, not entirely closing the space between himself and the girl. She remembered him being tall- huge, but up close like this, he was something else. Intimidating, even to her. Rissu prepared for the duel ahead by slipping off her backpack and coat, chucking them somewhere behind her without looking back. She reached inside Kylo Ren’s head, into whatever he was thinking, but he shut her out almost instantly. 

“Welcome, Rissu Rattigan. Rissle-missile.” 

The melodic voice that once made the girl weak at the knees was unrecognisable when it came through that damned mask. 

“... _The Business of the Rizzness_.” 

His voice was dripping with more and more distaste, the more of Rissu’s stupid nicknames he listed off. 

“You really are… in every possible way… a joke.” 

Right then and there, her heart split in two. 

“You took the Force… you took your gift, and you made it into a game. A stunt. For a cheap profit. You’re a _disgrace_. You don’t deserve such a dignified end.” 

All too late, Rissu learned her grand plan had backfired spectacularly. Far from being impressed, Kylo was under the impression that the Force wasn’t sacred to her. That she did what she did for fun. 

And she’d pay for her sacrilege. 

She tried to explain, she tried to beg for the chance, but all that spilled from her lips was panicked babbling. She tried to repeat it in her head, over and over, praying he’d listen, but he gave her no chance, and he ignited his lightsaber without another word. Begrudgingly, Rissu did the same. It was about to begin. Her yellow blade was smooth compared to Kylo’s crackling red one, and if she wasn’t seconds from death, she’d have asked herself which of the two was normal. 

Rissu now knew why she was being executed like this. He knew she was no Jedi. It was his way of making a statement, once and for all, that the Force, and everything the Jedi _and_ the Sith worked towards was indeed sacred, and that she really was a fraud. 

She didn’t try and mimic his stance or his form, only steeled herself and held the saber up in both hands. In the end, it was a strange consolation that he wore that cold, expressionless mask. Maybe she’d survive a little longer for not being completely distracted by the beauty underneath. 

Without warning, the space between the two was finally closed as Kylo lunged. Rissu saw this before it happened, and that was the only reason she jumped backwards just in time, narrowly avoiding the diagonal swipe. She felt the heat coming off the blade like she was stood next to a roaring fire. She saw him swing horizontally before it happened, she met the blow with her own blade. His raw strength was enough to knock the saber right out of the girl’s hands. She yelped. The weapon flew off somewhere to the right, Rissu never saw where. 

And then she ran for her life. 

She was halfway across the colosseum floor when she figured out why there were no guards. Kylo alone was all that would be needed. There really was no escape from him. Something grabbed at her, confident and full of purpose. Something invisible was pulling at her, restraining her, trying to drag her back. Kylo Ren was pulling her back with his own power. 

Rissu’s scream echoed around the room. She fought, she thrashed, not once looking back. She willed the bonds around her to be broken, and it was when she willed this that she met them, snapped them just enough to break free. She kept running as fast as she could. It had all lasted about a second. She passed through one of the large doorways, turned a corner, and was out of sight. 

Underneath the mask, Kylo Ren smirked grimly. He followed, his pace almost leisurely in comparison to hers. He may have been trying to prove something by inviting her to duel, but it was _always much more enjoyable_ when they ran. 

* * *

Rissu didn’t know where she was going. Onboard the Finalizer, she was lost no matter where she went. She could only run. 

She swung around one final corner. She couldn’t believe how lucky she’d been to not come across anyone. She hid for a moment in the cul-de-sac, her breath coming almost in wheezes out of her parched throat, blood pounding in her ears. In hindsight she regretted wearing such heavy boots. 

She pushed all thoughts to the back of her mind. It was time to come up with an exit strategy. 

All she really had to do was keep as far away from Ren as possible, and she might be in with a chance. She had an edge over anyone else she might run into, because she had something they didn’t. She’d try and get to an escape pod, and from there, she should be able to get herself back to Druemer. After all, most escape pods were so user-friendly even a Gamorrean could figure them out. 

It was with a new found glimmer of hope that Rissu continued on, not quite running this time, barely even jogging. _I can do this_ , she thought to herself. She focused her mind. She could sense anyone coming before they even got to her, the only way this could go wrong is if someone… sounded an alarm. 

She stopped again. Kylo would’ve sounded the alarm, no doubt, and people would be looking for her. Rissu could take a couple of ‘troopers at once, but it wouldn’t be long before she would be outnumbered. To be in with any chance of escaping, she’d have to do it as soon as possible. 

The further she made it away from the colosseum, the more life-forms she could sense around her. She crept around corners, expecting to come across someone at every turn. And finally, she did. Two stormtroopers took aim immediately when they saw the girl, but she was ready for them. Adrenaline was pumping through her whole body, and it made her quick. 

They fired, not before Rissu yanked fiercely at their blasters. They stumbled, and their shots missed completely, hitting the walls where they left marks that smouldered gently. Rissu made a fast decision and pulled both blasters straight out of the soldiers’ hands, catching them as they flew towards her. They were heavier than they looked, the weight of one in each hand almost had her toppling over. The ‘troopers took their chance and made to snatch back their weapons. Rissu dropped a blaster, and pushed back at the soldiers with her telekinetic power. They slammed into the door behind, and didn’t get up right away. 

“Escape pods,” Rissu said simply. She raised the one blaster that she still held onto. Her voice shook enough to betray her emotions. “A ship this big must have plenty. Where are they?” 

Before either soldier could answer, Rissu felt a swell of activity. She could make out several people coming straight for wherever she was. Whether someone had heard the commotion, or whether security footage had given her away, they knew exactly where she was now, and they were coming with purpose. The girl had no choice but to keep running, away from the flurry of life. The pursuers kept hot on her heels the whole time. 

She ran on, struggling to keep a hold of her blaster in sweating hands, struggling to even breathe, until she felt _him_ draw closer. That incredible power, not far off her location now. She didn’t know the layout of these halls, all she knew was he was somewhere at twelve o’clock. No doubt he could sense her presence as well as she could sense his - if not better. They were closing in on her from both sides. 

With her last turn, Rissu met a dead end. She was on some sort of observation deck. In front of her was one enormous window and the view of an untold number of stars spread out before her. 

_At least the last thing I see before I die can be beautiful._

And then, completely cornered, with nowhere else to run, Rissu threw herself onto one of the black couches in front of that breathtaking view, and did what she did best. She cried for all she was worth. 

The girl’s head whipped around when she heard him storm into the room. 

_At least the last thing I see before I die can be beautiful._

The Commander’s lightsaber hummed ominously. Its red glow threw malformed, flickering shadows onto the walls. Rissu wilted, kneeling on the couch, pointing her blaster over the back, hands trembling so hard that even the blaster shook violently. She had to rest it on the back of the couch to keep it steady. Kylo Ren walked towards the weapon trained on him, and Rissu’s finger hovered over the trigger. 

_I_ have _to shoot_. 

It was the only way to save herself. But she didn’t know if she could do it. Not him. Anyone else but him. 

She didn’t have time to make a decision before Kylo was upon her again. He strode around the couch, standing in front of her. He knew she wouldn’t shoot, but he still reached out and pulled the blaster out of her hands. He didn’t take it. The weapon hovered momentarily between them, and he cast it aside aggressively. It hit the wall with a clang. He positively smouldered with rage. 

Yet, Rissu could sense discomfort too. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting her to be sobbing like this. He was flustered. 

“You called out to us… you called out to be brought to me… just to run away, and cry. You won’t even shoot me. Why did you come here?” 

Rissu’s breath hitched. Tears collected at the bottom of her chin and splashed onto leather-clad thighs as she shrunk away. 

“ _TELL ME WHY YOU CAME HERE!_ ” 

Rissu jumped. She forced herself to look into the eyeless visor. “Everything I did was a means to an end, I swear! All I wanted- all I wanted was to impress you! Believe me, the Force is sacred to me too!” 

Kylo said nothing. Rissu had no idea what he could be thinking. 

“Search my memories,” she begged. “I paid my respects. _Every time_. I did what I did just to _get_ here. To get to you.” 

He searched her memories, and found that Rissu was not lying. That changed everything. Never before had a Force user come to him solely motivated by making him proud. With this new information in mind, Kylo began forming a plan of his own. It seemed like an age that he stood there, blocking out the stars. Finally, he deactivated his lightsaber, and everything was quiet. 

“Just being strong with the Force doesn’t impress me,” he finally said. He stowed the weapon away. “What impresses me is ambition. And tenacity. Someone who doesn’t give up. And for you to be here now…” 

He knelt down to Rissu’s level. She shrunk further into the couch before he reached out a gloved hand, and a thumb wiped slowly at the wet, blackened lines trailing down her cheek. The contact ignited a small fire inside the girl, her pussy growing hot. 

“How can you be so beautiful… even when you’re crying.” 

Her reaction was predictable and instantaneous. The girl’s energy positively glowed with optimism, but her body language showed her trepidation. Even if he wasn’t planning anything, he’d have probably fucked her anyway. After all, she _was_ beautiful, in a strange way. And she was more than willing. 

“Take off your wig,” Ren pushed. “I wanna see what’s underneath.” 

She gave the Commander a look of unadulterated horror. He was as good as asking her to remove a limb, and he knew it. But, she’d do absolutely anything he asked… and he knew it. 

_Take off_ your _mask_. 

He obliged without question. His hand came away from Rissu’s face, both raised to somewhere under his mask, and it was quickly discarded on the floor. Somehow he was even more beautiful than she remembered. The girl’s heart pounded when her eyes met his again. Those enormous, gentle, brown eyes. How could they be so peaceful one moment, and so full of hellfire the next? 

This time, he didn’t look away, and she savoured every second she was given. She drank his gaze in hungrily, breaths coming deep and slow just from the sight of him. 

He’d held up his end of the bargain, Rissu realised. It was with a monumental reluctance that she raised her own hand to the crown of her head, and slipped her fingers under the band of her pink strands, pulling off both the wig and the cap underneath all at once. She dropped her wig, and her gaze, to her lap, as a mane of fine, pale gold hair tumbled down her face and shoulders. It was long, coming down past her breasts in perfect waves, and so shiny it reflected the meagre lighting almost like a mirror. There was just so much of it. Though it fell about her in obvious layers, Rissu’s real hair looked as though it hadn’t been properly cut or styled in a long time. 

Kylo reached out to her again, leather-clad fingers winding through the pale blond locks. His eyes were wide. 

“This… is beautiful,” he said, still stroking Rissu’s hair. She finally looked up at him again, but the air was still thick with shame. “…Why do you hide this?” 

His hand came to rest on her cheek, thumb stroking flesh softly. He was so close to her now. His thumb grazed over her bottom lip ever so gently. The heat and the throbbing between Rissu’s thighs was almost painful. 

“Why do you hide _this?_ ” the blond gestured to the man’s face. 

He was silent, seeming to study her face with a bizarre, fixed interest, eyes roving over every inch, before he finally closed the increasingly small distance, and his full lips pressed fiercely against hers. 

Rissu didn’t respond at first. She didn’t register what was happening for a second or two. All the while, Kylo was intent on prying her mouth open with his. His other hand came up, fingers threading through fine hair on the back of her head, and Rissu finally accepted what was happening, and gave herself to the moment completely. She reached up and wrapped her arms tentatively around his neck, and opened her mouth to let him in. His tongue met hers, exploring and dominating. Rissu groaned around his mouth. Her desire was unbearable now. 

Kylo pushed the girl forcefully down on the couch, half-climbing on top of her. Her head was pressed into the arm of the couch as he kissed her. He trailed fingers down her neck, over her collarbone, coming to rest on one enormous breast. He kneaded and squeezed hungrily. Rissu breathed deeply and heavily all the while. He knew just touching her could drive her crazy. 

She couldn’t believe this was happening. 

His other hand roved over her temple. Kylo saw in her head how she wanted him to take her, and it was exactly how he wished to take her. 

He would ruin her like no one else had before. 

Suddenly, he broke away. Rissu whimpered quietly, entertaining the idea that that was all she was allowed after all. Kylo stood. He gestured for Rissu to follow him. 

“Come with me.” 

The blond couldn’t have jumped off that couch faster if she’d been shoved off with a cattle prod. She walked quickly to keep up with Kylo’s long, urgent strides as he led her out of the observation deck. 

She didn’t know where they were going, but now that she followed the Commander, those that they passed paid them no real notice. They already knew she would be taken care of in whatever way he saw fit. 

Rissu was still full of doubt. She didn’t trust the situation. Something still told her that after everything that just happened, Kylo was leading her somewhere to finally kill her, luring her into a false sense of security, that by goading her with exactly what she came for, so near, yet so far, he was employing some form of psychological torture. She followed him for a while. She didn’t dare say anything in fear that he’d change his mind. 

The final corridors were so quiet. They were a long, long way from the network of life and productivity Rissu had first seen in the hangar. When Kylo stopped and opened one door, Rissu was yanked inside roughly by her wrist, and she learned that this was an apartment block. This must be where he lived. Rissu looked around briefly. Like the rest of the Finalizer, Kylo’s apartment was sleek and black. The decoration was minimal. She didn’t have time to investigate further before she was pulled into the bedroom without a word. 

_This is actually happening_. 

Rissu faltered. 

“Can I just…” she gestured to what she assumed was the 'fresher door, on the wall behind the bed. “Real quick?” 

Kylo let her go without a word, and Rissu locked herself in, kicked off her boots, and surveyed the damage in the mirror. Her eyeliner was a mess, but nowhere near as bad as she’d feared. She wet the tips of her fingers and rubbed at what remained of the dark streaks on her face, using her fingernail to sharpen the smudged edges of the black wings. Before long, it looked almost as good as new. Her hair, however, was beyond redemption. She _loathed_ the sight of her real hair. It was too much just to look at it. Of all her many flaws, this was the most unforgivable. But if Kylo liked it… she’d have to trust in his madness, and hope he didn’t change his mind about it. 

_This isn’t happening. He’s so far out of my league._

She settled for merely running her hands through it to feign as much volume as she could, and then unlocked the refresher door. When she returned to the bedroom, Kylo was almost completely undressed already. Rissu was a little relieved, now she thought about it. She couldn’t imagine how much she’d have struggled to get those robes off him herself. 

When he caught sight of her, he grabbed her again, and practically threw her down on the bed. She could see the fierce hunger light up his eyes as he knelt over her, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer shorts. Rissu gulped as she noticed the size of his erection underneath. 

She took what time she was given to admire the sight on top of her. All muscle, smooth chest, beauty marks and small scars and burns dotted about all over the place. He really was a thing of perfection. She thought just the sight of him like this might kill her. 

She didn’t have much time before Kylo began pulling off her own clothes with urgency. He tore off her T-shirt before planting hungry kisses along the girl’s jaw and neck. Rissu winced when he bit hard at the crook of her neck, sucking at the skin with fervour. She wouldn’t ask him to stop, it was too perfect, but he raised a hand, and suddenly, she was pinned in place by invisible bonds. 

She looked up at him, the lust in her eyes mirrored that in his perfectly, and she wished silently that things could be different. He looked into her head and found that she wanted to be held down by physical means. 

If that was how she wanted it to be, that was how she would have it. Rissu was released from her telekinetic restraint, a strong hand took her wrist and slammed it down near her head. Not for long, before Kylo reached down and ripped open her belt, and pulled off her leather pants. He traced his palm up the inside of her toned thigh, up to the black lace that covered her pussy. Her panties were noticeably damp and hot already. His fingers dragged, agonisingly slowly, over her clothed entrance with added pressure, drawing a pained, restrained whimper from the blond’s throat. He silenced her with his own mouth again, hand continuing back up the girl’s stomach, over the ghost of a six-pack below the defined shelf of her ribs. He ran his fingers over the bony contours, reaching behind her back. Rissu arched her back willingly, pulling off her bra and throwing it aside. 

Kylo cupped her left breast without looking, mouth and tongue still lost in hers, and broke away in surprise when his thumb passed over hard metal, despite the longing moan that fleeting touch elicited from the girl. He stared down at the piercing, his face a picture of astonishment. He’d never seen anything like this before. He didn’t even know this was something people _did_. 

He seemed almost afraid to touch it. His eyes flicked back up to hers. 

“Does it…” 

“Hurt?” she finished. “No.” 

He said nothing for a while, just staring in amazement. 

“...Did it?” 

She nodded. “Yes.” 

His attention alternated quickly between her face and the metal multiple times. 

“...Do you like it?” Rissu asked nervously. 

Affection overcame Kylo at the realisation that if he didn’t, she’d have it gone in the blink of an eye. Just about the only part of her body Rissu was remotely happy with. Just for him. 

Her answer didn’t come in the form of words. Kylo’s mouth closed around her nipple, rubbing flesh and metal with his tongue, biting gently, rolling the metal bar between his teeth, sucking on the bud needily. Her answer came as a slow, anguished groan around her hardened nipple, vibrations coursing through her skin. He groped hungrily at her other breast. Rissu wailed, slowly and openly. For the first time, her arms came away from his neck, fingers winding through soft raven hair as she pulled him closer to her chest. She didn't want him to ever stop. 

He came up again to kiss her greedily, his body flush with hers. Neither came up for breath for the longest time, both Force users lost entirely in the moment. Rissu drew her knees up so her feet were planted somewhere near her ass. Somewhere along the way, he pulled off both their underwear, throwing them somewhere in the room that neither saw. He shifted on top of her, his rock hard cock dragged along the inside of her thigh, leaving a wet trail of precum on her pale flesh, before he pressed his hips into hers, grinding aggressively. His tongue never left hers for a moment. 

Ren pulled Rissu’s arms away from where they’d come back to their safe place around his neck. He knew she was afraid to touch him. 

“So nervous…” he broke away just long enough to get the words out. “…Don’t be scared…” 

He took her by the wrist and guided her hand down between their bodies, down the trail of dark hairs under his taut navel, willing her to touch him. She wanted to, so badly. She feared that one wrong move would ruin everything, and she could never return to this moment. It was like she was a virgin all over again. 

Kylo’s body stiffened above Rissu, breath hitching as her hand wrapped around his throbbing cock for the first time. Her eyes widened in renewed fear. It was enormous. There was no way she’d be able to take it, but the savage look in his eyes told her she no longer had a choice. She worked him, so tentatively at first, confidence building as time went on, relishing in the moans she drew from him while his mouth still had her pinned to the bed. 

He got up onto his knees. It was time. His hand trailed so lightly over Rissu’s shaved cunt, he savoured the sweet whimpers that came from her as he massaged circles around her clit for the briefest moment, finally pinning her down by her wrists, and lining his cock up to her entrance. A final frustrated whimper escaped the blond as Kylo gazed down at her, drinking her in. She didn’t want to wait any more. He’d seen inside her head, he knew exactly how long it had been. What he didn’t know is how this girl could have possibly gone unwanted for two and a half years. 

She wouldn’t be kept waiting any longer. 

Kylo groaned as he pushed in slowly. Rissu cried out in pain, but it had all gone too far, and he’d never be able to stop now, even if she wanted him to. A few more testing thrusts, and he was buried inside her completely, breath laboured. He stilled for a moment to focus, before pulling out almost completely, only to slide back into Rissu fully. She took him surprisingly well. 

Rissu broke the eye contact, allowing her head to roll back against the pillow and her eyes to close. He filled her up and stretched her so wonderfully. This must be a dream. She’d never taken a dick anywhere near this big before, and she already knew that every move Kylo made inside her would be bliss. 

He fully intended to be gentle at first so the girl would ease into it. But she was so tight around him, so wet, so hot, so damn gorgeous under him, he couldn’t hold back for even a second longer. His pace quickened, and before long he was pounding into Rissu aggressively, his heavy-lidded gaze lustful and fierce. Beneath him, she looked so perfect, revelling in everything she received. 

She was already loud. Every breath came out somewhere between a whimper and a sigh every time her lover rutted into her. It almost sounded like she was still in pain. He released her wrists and dropped to his elbows, hooking his forearms under her shoulders. Their bodies pressed together intimately, all his weight was on her, trapping her right where she lay. He buried his face in the sore crook of Rissu’s neck as he resumed pounding into her, faster than before. Kylo went at her with urgency, he wouldn’t last long like this, and neither would she. Rissu could hear every rhythmic groan, every grunt, every sigh right in her ear, feel it on his hot breath. It was delicious. 

He attacked her neck again and again, seeming intent on leaving as many marks on the girl’s throat as he could. She keened. Arms dropped from their place around his neck again, exploring more, further down, fingernails digging in slightly along his expansive back was the only way she could cope with the perfect strain on her own body. 

He responded in kind, but gave far more than he received. He reached roughly behind her neck and blunt fingernails dragged viciously down to her shoulder. Rissu cried out in pain. She could’ve come undone just from that alone. 

Suddenly, he pulled out of her, on his knees again. Rissu let out a choked sob. She needed more. She propped herself up on her elbows. 

“What are you-” 

“Get up. Turn around.” 

The blond obliged, but she couldn’t move fast enough for him. Kylo grabbed her by the waist and flipped her over onto her hands and knees, forcing her neck violently into the bed without touching her. She turned her head just to breathe, her cheek pressed into the sheets. Patiently, she waited. 

Kylo's fingers trailed down Rissu’s muscular back, over the bold black spiral tattooed in between her shoulder blades. He traced along its jagged and angular path, from the middle out, then down to the small of her back. He pulled her hips upwards and palmed her ass. Perfectly round. Perfectly toned. He reached down, and pressed his lips to one cheek. In that moment, he thanked the maker that there existed such rich and liberated planets as Druemer, filled with girls so rich and liberated they had nothing much better to do than make themselves look good. 

Kylo grabbed her hips and buried himself inside her again. He fucked her frantically now. Rissu practically wailed into the bedsheets, if Ren wasn’t able to see into her mind he’d be sure he was hurting her. 

“Harder…” she sobbed. 

It wasn’t physically possible to do it much harder than he already was. Still, he found a way. Rissu’s hand snaked under her form and she hammered on her own clit. She was so close to the edge and this would finish her. Her pussy contracted deliciously around Kylo’s cock and he positively growled, gripping so tight on her hips that he could crush bone, pulling her roughly back into him with every urgent move he made back into her. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck_ …” Rissu whined. Her voice had gone up a few octaves. She was right on the edge of release. 

Her breaths suddenly came as though she was sprinting a marathon, and her whole body spasmed. She screamed at the top of her lungs. Over and over again. She screamed bloody murder. Anyone within a mile of the apartment would think she was being murdered in the most horrific way. It was a mindless noise, and it was not a pretty one. Still, in his frenzied state it drove Kylo wild and spurred him on as he fucked Rissu to within an inch of her life. 

She kept on going. Pure gold ran up and down her veins in waves, again and again, right down to her fingers and toes. She kept on screaming like a wild animal being tortured, kept on spasming around his dick, trying to coax out whatever she could from him involuntarily, and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold out for. He willed himself to hold out until the end. 

Speed was sacrificed for power as he pounded over and over into her G-spot, she showed no signs of coming down from her climax and Kylo wondered briefly in his dulled state whether she would _ever_ come down, or whether Rissu would keep on cumming until one of them died of exhaustion. Rissu herself knew she was completely overstimulated, it almost hurt but it hurt so wonderfully, she couldn’t stop. She had to chase it until there was nothing more to chase. 

And finally, after what must’ve been a full minute, Rissu’s screams died down to exhausted moans, and her body went limp. From here on out, she was content for Kylo to do whatever he wanted with her body, but there was nothing more to be done as he followed her over the edge. His own orgasm took him, and he roared out some mindless exclamation, shuddered, and emptied himself inside her. 

He rode out the last of his climax, and collapsed onto Rissu, exhausted, still buried to the hilt inside her. She buckled under his weight and collapsed too. Strong arms wrapped around her torso and he rolled over, bringing the blond to lie on top of him. Ren breathed hard, deep breaths, planting lazy kisses on Rissu’s neck and shoulder. 

“Never…” he panted. “Do that again…” 

Rissu giggled. If she had the energy, she’d have been grinning from ear to ear. His thoughts were shut off to her entirely, but something still told her he didn’t really mean it. 

The strain of the angle between them caused his softening cock to slide out of her. Rissu came back to her senses when warm cum started to leak out of her, and remembered her wet wipes were still in her backpack in the colosseum, gods only knew how far away. She was released, and Kylo Ren came down between her thighs again. She felt his tongue on her leaking pussy, lapping up everything that came out, swallowing it all until there was nothing left. 

_Oh wow… Kylo, you really are something_ … 

The last thing Rissu was aware of was those strong arms around her again, pulling her close to a solid body covered in sweat, before exhaustion claimed her, and she slept peacefully. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still sorry.
> 
> So yeah... I was making a few assumptions about Kylo that:  
> \- The Force is sacred to him (and should be to others?)  
> \- He's impressed by tenacity  
> \- He has no previous awareness of nipple rings
> 
> And I was thinking that most of that might not be that much of a stretch. I guess when we write fan fiction we don't know everything about the characters, so we gotta try and fill in some blanks and hope we're not making too much of a stretch.
> 
> I haven't written proper smut in a long time so I hope it was all right. Especially after taking so long to get here.


	11. Quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stop the plot for one moment, things are getting a little dubious in this... uh... apartment?
> 
> Which is my way of saying, I guess this is a tiny bit dubious?
> 
> I think this was one of the first scenes I had planned out for this fic so I'm excited to have finally gotten to it.

When Rissu woke up, it was dark, and she was alone. The first thought that crossed her sleep-addled mind was that the events of the previous night were only a perfect dream. After all, she _was_ alone. However, she realised quickly that she was lying in the middle of a bed that wasn’t her own. And the room was far hotter than she’d ever choose it to be. Her forehead was already coated in sweat, so she pushed the covers off her, suddenly remembering she was naked. The main reason Rissu knew she hadn’t dreamed that encounter, was because she could still sense Kylo Ren in the room with her. 

The blond rolled over, and bit on her lip to keep from crying out. Every bloodied scratch on the back of her neck felt like fire against even the soft pillowcase, and she only appreciated what an assault she’d taken the night before when barely opening her thighs at all was all kinds of agony. 

It was impossible to guess what time it was without looking, but she imagined that only the night workers would- or should, be awake now. Her eyes strained in the darkness, but it didn’t take long to find him. The starlight from the one window cast an impossibly small amount of light onto the man knelt on the floor. He was meditating. 

Rissu watched him silently. Her heart swelled in adoration. He really was the image of perfection. And for one night, he’d wanted her. For one night, she belonged to him. Had she not been half-asleep and slow to think, Rissu would’ve taken a moment to appreciate how big of a deal that was. 

For the very first time, she saw his strong features washed with peace, as his bare chest rose and fell so slowly. He somehow brought to mind memories of one wild cervine Rissu had once been so intent on crushing, with all the love a little girl could muster in her tiny little arms. Those childhood vacations in rural Druemer made her hate the snow, but she fell in love with what little wildlife had overcome all the odds to survive there. 

She made a dreary mental note to finally thank her father the next time she saw him. For holding her back, and urging her to just _watch_ the creature, and not disturb something so peaceful so needlessly. She only truly appreciated that sentiment now, wanting nothing more than to go to the stunning wild animal knelt on the floor, and wrap her arms around him, appreciate him in all the ways he deserved. But she wouldn’t be the one to disturb that peace. 

Nothing in her life since had come close to being as pure, innocent and gentle as that cervine. Its thick coat was as white as the very snow it seemed to float through, yellow eyes that could be mistaken for the only flowers that really flourished out in that wasteland. Kylo wasn’t pure, innocent or gentle - Rissu knew in her heart he was _trying_ to be gentle with her in all the right ways, maybe it just didn’t come naturally to him. But he didn’t have to be any of those things to be special. It was stupid to try and compare Kylo Ren to a wild deer. 

Rissu chuckled to herself when she realised her whole train of thought was the consequence of doing just that. 

She struggled to keep her eyes open, struggled to stay awake. She didn’t want the image of peace in front of her to pass her by while she slept. Not that she hadn’t loved seeing him overcome with passion either. She’d probably be sent home in the morning, and then this whole experience would be just another memory. 

Some fifteen minutes later, Kylo stood up, evidently finished. Rissu had done well to stay awake the entire time. He went back to the bed, in the darkness resembling barely more than a massive, hulking shadow. Their eyes met, and he pulled back the covers even further, and climbed on the bed, kneeling over Rissu’s naked form. 

He pushed apart her bruised thighs to settle himself between them for the second time in only hours, ignoring the grunt of pain that caught in the girl’s throat, and pulled down his sweat pants just enough to expose his cock, already throbbing and leaking as he gazed warmly at Rissu. 

The girl’s heart pounded in excitement - she didn’t expect Kylo would fuck her more than once. Once was more than she could’ve dreamed of. His gaze travelled hungrily over every inch of her, over every curve, and every piece of metal that twinkled feebly in the meagre starlight. The sight of him slowly stroking up and down his generous length, squeezing every now and again, already had Rissu’s cunt pounding, hot and aching. She found herself a little light-headed despite the fact that she was lying down. She smiled. 

The head of his cock, hot and wet and pounding, pressed against her sore hole. Already, she whimpered in pain, her body tense. Their passion hours before had not been without consequence. Again, Kylo ignored her cries, sliding in as gently as he could. Rissu screamed in agony, but it wasn’t long before he was fully settled inside her, and all the pain in the galaxy wouldn’t be enough for her to want him to stop. Not when she made his breaths come so heavily in that moment, made such a beautiful anguish cross his face like that. 

She adored him. 

It wasn’t long before he started to move, not going fast, but certainly not gently. Each thrust was a harsh attack on her already abused body, already she moaned deliciously each time he bottomed out inside her. The noises spurred him on - as a matter of obligation or a matter of raw desire, Rissu couldn’t tell, but she hoped it was the latter. The slow rhythm devolved into fast, uneven strokes, and suddenly he was back down on his elbows - large, muscular body pressed against hers. Again she was privvy to that flurry of secret moans and sighs as Kylo threatened to come apart within the depths of her. 

He didn’t fuck her _quite_ as hard as the first time. Maybe he didn’t have the energy. But it wasn’t long before he released a slow, guttural sigh against the ruined flesh of Rissu’s neck, body stiffening and shuddering, his seed pumping into her. 

Then he relaxed on top of her, his hips stilled. He stayed where he was, above her, inside her, and held the girl close. She held him close, as best she could, arms reached around his back, fingers rubbing pale flesh, stroking tenderly. Rissu allowed her eyes to close, allowed herself to drink in the embrace, commit the scent of him to memory. A strange satisfaction flooded through her at the thought of him using her like this. 

It took her a few minutes to realise Kylo had fallen asleep. And still, she held him. There was no reason either of them had to move right now. He was heavy on top of her, and it was getting hard to breathe, but she was comfortable enough, for now. It was so quiet, everything around them was so quiet. All that Rissu could hear was her lover’s gentle breathing in her ear, felt it wash over her sore skin. 

It was a while before she tried to push him off, and when she did, she realised he was far too heavy. Not a problem, she’d moved heavier things with the Force before. So, slowly enough she wouldn’t wake him, she rolled him off of her. As she did, he slipped out of her, and warm wetness trickled down to her ass. She felt the bedsheets grow wet around her. But she wouldn’t worry about that now. 

Rissu turned onto her left side to face Kylo for a moment. He looked so peaceful as he slept. 

_How could I be so lucky to be here…?_

She didn’t want to sleep. She didn’t want to miss a single one of those soft snores that escaped his plush lips. It wasn’t up to her to choose though, as the room began to sway again, she knew she was too far gone. So she turned onto her right, and shifted her body so it fit flush alongside his. She pulled a heavy, limp, muscular arm around her middle, and pulled the covers back up, only to the waist, without touching them, before quickly finding her own peace within a dream that was, at best, mediocre. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rissu is naive, huh.


	12. Confidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a while to get out, but I've been chipping away at it almost every day. It's been a difficult one for a bunch of reasons. It was a long time before I liked how it began, I didn't really like how I ended it (I'm still not happy with that tbh) and of course at the best of times I go at a snail's pace writing sex scenes. And I kinda felt that to make all this work, the events had to flow into each other as well as possible.
> 
> Also if you've never heard the song _Wish You Were Here_ by Pink Floyd, I'd highly suggest giving it a listen. This story is named after that song. For no special reason other than it felt right. I've played that song a LOT while I've been writing and it's helped me get past a lot of points where I've struggled. I've come to associate that song with Kylo Ren, personally, again for no special reason other than I happened to be reading fics when a friend played that song in a livestream, and the association has stuck ever since.

Kylo Ren lazily stroked the hair of the girl lying next to him. He’d been awake for a while, alternating his attention between her body and her mind. Now he amused himself by wrapping the silky golden locks around a finger, watching how they reflected the light in the bedroom aimed at simulating a morning. He let go, still not able to fathom why she’d hidden the hair away, and trailed a path down her neck, past her clavicle, squeezing her breast softly, playing with the erotically placed metal. He began to stir against her backside. 

She’s an odd thing, Kylo thought to himself. Odd, but… not unwelcome. 

Rissu had come into his life completely out of the blue. He couldn’t recall having ever met her before, yet she loved him. She _loved him_. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t need to. He could feel it radiating from her as strong as sunlight when she was awake. It was unnerving because he didn’t really know how it felt to be loved, and he was wary of what he didn’t know. But it wasn’t unwelcome, even if he was wary. It made him feel good. He could really get used to this, and with that realisation he grew more and more unsure about whether he could go through with what he’d planned. 

What had he done to make her feel this way? Where had she come from? Kylo returned his attention to Rissu’s mind, delving back into her memories until he found the one he was looking for. Callused fingers ran back through the fair, sleek hair, and their first meeting played out in his mind’s eye, through her eyes. Her thoughts and emotions played out inside him. He remembered this night clearly as it was a somewhat unusual mission, but he only barely recognised Rissu when he saw the traitor’s severed head roll to rest at her feet, and he saw himself look at her for the briefest moment. Their first meeting was so insignificant to him, yet… here she was, in his bed. Not at all insignificant now. 

He delved further back in the timeline of her memories. It played a little on his conscience that he’d called her a joke in his anger. He could see now how hard she tried. She tried so hard at everything she did. She just wanted to be good enough. He saw her passion for what she learned at the university. It only sweetened the deal, what she was, and made him even more hopeful that she’d accept his offer. 

Kylo stopped there. He wanted to save _something_ to learn from Rissu herself, and at this rate, he’d know almost everything about her without talking all that much. That, and she had begun to wake. 

“You’re awake…” he breathed softly into her hair, nuzzling affectionately. Her hair smelled like cotton candy. 

“Morning...” she mumbled groggily through a wide smile, eyes barely open. 

Despite the lingering feeling of awkward discomfort and overwhelming sense that she was punching well above her weight, Rissu squirmed in closer to the warm body behind her. Arms raised to the headboard and she stretched openly, feebly groaning out the last of her slumber like a house pet. Kylo took the opportunity to slide his other hand underneath the girl, making instantly for her breast. The girl’s sleepy moan turned into a lustful one as he coaxed her nipple to attention, squeezing between a finger and thumb, and she was pulled into a tight embrace. 

They stayed like that for gods only know how long. 

Rissu would have accepted without question that she was still dreaming, because no waking moment could be this perfect. She lay there, feeling Kylo’s slow, gentle heartbeat against her back, his hand massaging her breast, his manhood rigid against her ass, and pondered exactly how she’d actually made it here. It was a pipedream, really, and nothing more. She never really expected to be taken aboard the First Order vessel at all, and even when she was… it was to be executed. She should’ve been killed. Only through blind luck had she survived. Only through sheer blind luck was she lying here right now. 

“Luck… maybe not luck,” came the deep voice of the man spooning her, in response to her musing. “Maybe the Force led you to me. Maybe it has a higher plan for you.” 

“What could it have planned?” 

Kylo didn’t answer. Instead, his left hand moved from the curve of her hip and snaked its way between Rissu’s thighs. She parted them instinctively and allowed two fingers to probe gently at her pussy, stroking at her lips, then pushing in agonisingly slowly. She was _so_ tight around him. He explored her depths, eventually paying the most attention to that one spot that had the girl moaning intensely. He pressed deeply up into her dripping G-spot, rubbing back and forth. 

He seemed to ignore his own need, for the most part, but still continued to grind his hard length slowly against Rissu’s ass. He was more interested in pushing her as far as he could. How long he could keep going before she was writhing under his touch, begging for more? 

Her moans turned to needy whimpers, soon her hips rocked against his hand, it wasn’t enough. Kylo knew this was as much of a reaction as he’d get from the girl, she’d take whatever she received with gratitude and not expect anything more. She was too nervous to even touch him. 

He slid his fingers out of her wetness, released her breast, and got to his knees. “I wanna show you something.” 

Rissu was pulled up and slammed against the headboard before she had the time to react. Kylo pulled down his sweat pants, settled between her legs and rammed deep inside her without warning. Rissu yelped in shock and pain, body stiff, hands planted either side of her hips. She looked at him, eyes wide with surprise. 

It took all his restraint to keep still - how unusually tight she wrapped around his cock was paradise and torture all at once. He leaned forward and kissed her hungrily. His hand came to her cheek, and fingers wound softly into her hair. “Focus for me Rissu… I wanna show you something.” 

Rissu was in no position to focus. She just wanted him to start moving, she _needed him to start moving_. Still half-asleep, her eyes gazed longingly into his as she relaxed into the feeling of being filled up so perfectly. 

Kylo scowled. “RISSU, FOCUS!” he said sharply. “This is IMPORTANT!” 

Rissu jumped out of her reverie, wondering in apprehension whether she’d incited his fearsome temper, and what the consequences of that would be. 

It seemed that she hadn’t. He relaxed when he had the girl’s attention. “I think I might have a solution to your problem,” he continued. “Put your arms around me. Like you did before.” 

Rissu obeyed without question, her arms went straight to their usual place around Ren’s neck. She was rewarded with another kiss, longer than the last. As he came up for breath, Kylo bit on the metal ring in her lip, tugging, not gently, but not too roughly. She was almost in agony waiting for him to start pounding her like he did the night before. His cock throbbed almost painfully hard. 

“Your mind goes to places your hands don’t dare follow. If you give your mind presence, maybe you’ll gain confidence. Now… touch me- without touching me. Like this...” 

With one hand on her cheek and the other squeezing her ass, Kylo began to stroke Rissu’s back. She gasped at the sudden touch, like nothing she’d ever felt before. Human in origin, but still other-worldly, the gentle caress was warm, buzzing with energy. It followed wherever Kylo’s enormous dark eyes travelled - along her neck it was soothing, descending, it brushed teasingly light over her nipples, again and again, making the girl pant deeply in her need, growing impossibly wet around him. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, and there she whimpered in perfect agony. 

Kylo couldn’t hold out any longer, not when Rissu came apart like this for him. He began to rock his hips up into hers and out again, his pace steady and smooth as he gripped his lover’s hips tight. 

“Now try it on me...” 

She could barely concentrate, his enormous cock sliding in and out of her just felt too damn good, it was all she could think about, still, she tried as hard as she could, throwing her mental energy into the new skill as she held onto Ren’s huge body. She concentrated all her energy on imagining her hands running over every inch of his pale skin that she could reach. If she was brave enough she’d do it, and never let go. 

Kylo hummed in enjoyment as the novice touch brushed over his bare skin. Judging by the delicious little noises coming from him, whatever she was doing was working. It needed practice, for sure, but it was the gesture that really mattered. 

“Just like that…” he groaned. “You’re a natural, Rissu…” 

With new confidence, she lifted her head up, locking eyes with him as she met his every thrust, her unseen touch lavished over the muscles of his chest, up underneath her own arms on his shoulders, resting on his cheek. As Kylo’s thrusts and expression both grew more and more aggressive, she wanted to be brave enough to touch him for real. 

And she did. One hand came away from its safe place and grazed over Kylo’s cheek. A small smile, triumphant, lit up his already elated features, he kissed her fiercely for the longest time. Spurred on and caught up entirely in passion, Rissu moaned into her lover’s mouth, wrapping her legs around his strong waist. 

“That’s it!” Kylo moaned. He rutted up into her with urgency, fucking her like it was the last time he’d ever get to fuck again. 

They both threatened to come undone. Rissu whimpered, trapped against the leather headboard by Kylo’s body and mouth, both unrelenting and needy. “Oh, Kylo…” she keened. “You’re- so... so… this- is- amazing- fuck- you’re- amazing-” 

“You don’t- have- to-” 

“Want to,” she panted. “Let me- please.” 

All the same, Rissu felt him light up at her outpouring. Kylo took what chance he had to meet her tongue with his again. One hand came away from Rissu’s hip, fingers rubbing expertly on her clit. She wailed, arms around his neck again as though holding on for dear life. He pounded into her mercilessly, erratically. 

“Oh gods!” she sobbed. “Oh gods… fuck… you’re- so- amazing- so- gorgeous- so- perfect… I-” 

She stopped herself lest three words spill unwanted from her lips in the heat of the moment. Rissu was now beyond the ability to form proper words anyway. She trembled and thrashed so violently, gasped so heavily for air, Kylo knew exactly what was going to happen right before it did. 

“No-” he claimed her mouth before she began to scream again. She came hard, her screams silenced by Kylo’s tongue against hers and coming out as nasal cries and whimpers. She spasmed hard as her orgasm tore her apart, wave after wave, her hot cunt milking his dick sent him over the edge, and he moaned gutturally into her mouth, spilling deep inside. His urgent movements had stopped before Rissu was finished but he kept on rubbing her engorged bud, just how she liked, until she was. She still pulsed around him, a little too much for his now overly-sensitive dick, but she came down eventually, lips still locked with his, breathing heavy. 

Rissu slumped forwards against Kylo’s strong body, feeling his heart pound against her own chest. 

“Fuck… that was… amazing,” she breathed. “ _You’re_ amazing.” 

*

Kylo Ren had come to learn a lot about Rissu in even the short time they’d spent together. That much was to be expected when he could look into her thoughts and memories as he pleased. But that didn’t mean he knew her. He wanted to though. She, of course, wasn’t strong enough to get past the barriers Kylo had set up in his own mind. She wanted to get to know him, so she plucked up the courage to start asking. 

The pair talked for a long while. They didn’t just talk about the Force, they talked about everything. They got to know each other- past, present and future. Ren was the more reserved of the two when asked about himself. For the most part, Rissu poured her heart out. They only stopped when they were interrupted by a buzzer. Someone was at the door. 

When Kylo got up to answer, Rissu took the opportunity to cover up a little. She slid out of bed, her first thought being that her clothes would be scattered somewhere on the floor, untouched after being ripped off with urgency the night before. Instead, she found everything folded and stacked at the side of the bed. 

_Did he do this? How long was he up for last night?_

Rissu appreciated the gesture all the same. She slipped back into her T-shirt and thong, and made for the refresher to empty her bladder. She was back out for a few seconds before Kylo returned, carrying Rissu’s coat, her backpack slung over one shoulder. He carried his mask under the other arm, which he set down on the dresser. The eyeless face stared at the blond from across the bedroom, and even when she looked away, she still felt its blank scowl pricking at her. 

“My stuff… you got someone to go get it all for me?” 

Kylo said nothing as he dropped the backpack at Rissu’s bare feet. She unzipped it right away, and after doing battle with the mass of pink hair stowed as neatly as possible inside, picked out the contraceptive she’d missed the night before. 

“Well… thanks,” she said to the man now playing with the fur trim on her coat, and went back into the refresher. She popped the pill in her mouth and reached to turn on the water. 

“What is it?” came Kylo’s voice from outside. 

“Mmmh?” 

Rissu straightened up, the off-white tablet poking out from between her lips. She cocked her head towards the door. 

“I _am_ working.” 

The blond exhaled, and returned her attention to the sink. He was talking to someone by comlink, clearly. Not her. She turned on the tap. 

“The girl. Rattigan.” 

Rissu paused, bent over the sink. They were talking _about her_ though. 

“That’s _real funny_ , General… did you come up with that all on your own?” 

She took a mouthful of water from the stream. 

“Yes… I have, but that’s not the point-” 

Rissu swallowed the pill and the water. 

“I don’t remember anyone complaining when you did the same thing with Sinclair. …Go right ahead! I’ll be presenting Rattigan to him by the end of the day anyway!” 

Rissu wondered with trepidation about who she was going to be presented to. Under what circumstances? It dawned on her that she wouldn’t be leaving the Finalizer any time soon, and despite everything, she wasn’t entirely convinced that Kylo did not intend to do her genuine harm. 

“That’s exactly my plan, General.” 

She _had_ to ask him what was going on. She had the right to know. She opened the door and met Kylo’s dark gaze. 

“She will. I just know it.” 

He lowered the device. 

“You know I’ll… what?” Rissu asked timidly as she sat back down on the edge of the bed. “You have plans for me? What are they?” 

Again, he didn’t answer. Instead, he went over to the dresser and dropped the com there. “You haven’t eaten,” he said. “I’ll get you something. Anything you like.” 

“That’s okay, I’m all set.” 

Rissu reached back into her bag and pulled out a protein bar. She looked up when she heard the Commander’s sigh, his expression telling her he was more than a little unimpressed. 

_Gods, he really is gorgeous when he’s pissed off._

“What?” 

_Not that he isn’t gorgeous all the time._

“Rissu, that’s not a breakfast,” he said flatly. 

“Sure it is! it’s what I always have.” 

Rissu only just finished unwrapping the bar before it flew out of her hand and into his. 

“Not when you’re with me. You’re going to eat a proper breakfast.” 

The girl snorted in indignation and pulled a face. She considered going back into her bag for one of the others, but she knew there was no point trying. 

Ren inspected the protein bar before throwing it in the trash. “Is this all you eat? When was the last time you ate any fruit?” 

Rissu shrugged before being pushed onto her back. Kylo climbed over her and pressed his lips to hers, tongues meeting. He ran a hand under her T-shirt, settling on the curve of her waist while she ran her fingers through his long hair, giggling. At times like this it was worryingly easy for her to forget she was in very real danger - part of a plan the man straddling her refused to let her in on. 

“You know Rissu, you’re kinda cute… but you’re also kind of a mess.” 

The blond still smiled a giddy smile when Kylo got up and turned away. 

_Did he… say he thinks I’m cute?_

“I’ll get you something good,” he maintained. 

* * *

Rissu was no longer smiling when a man in a nondescript black uniform set down two plates and a glass on one side of the living room table, and the same on the other. She looked back at Kylo, her expression pleading. He pointed a finger at the seat, wordlessly, meeting her pleading look with a stern one of his own. Reluctant but already defeated, Rissu sat down and surveyed her breakfast fearfully. Two rounds of toast, topped with what looked like avocado, and a lone pear on the side, cut into pieces. Whatever was in the glass was white and translucent. 

_No, that can’t be... He wouldn’t know… would he?_

The fruit looked appetising, Rissu admitted to herself. But still… that was probably more than half her daily expenditure, right there. And she already knew it would be hard to exercise off in the apartment. Kylo took the seat opposite her and started on a similar meal to Rissu’s. He looked at her expectantly. 

Rissu looked up from her challenge, to her lover. She opened her mouth and tried a few times to find the words to fit her thoughts most appropriately. 

“I don’t…” she began. 

Kylo glared fixedly at her while he chewed. 

“I dunno if you… know this, but… it doesn’t take a lot of food for me to put on weight.” 

His expression grew more curious as he surveyed her. “And that scares you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“It won’t do you any harm. Eat.” 

Rissu opened her mouth again to protest, but she knew there really was no point. Kylo would still get his own way in the end no matter what. She knew this to be true. 

_It’s just one day, you’ll be_ fine. 

She went for the white liquid first, curious to know whether it was what she thought it was. The first sip confirmed the juice to be of a fruit she’d enjoyed on a vacation many years back, on a planet very far from home. She swallowed, gushing. “Oh wow… Kylo, you didn’t have to-” 

“Better than a protein bar?” 

Rissu smiled. “I hate to admit it but… yeah. It is. Thanks.” 

She took a slice of the pear, and decided it really was delicious, even if she’d never eat it again. 

“So… are you gonna tell me what this plan is now?” 

Kylo ate in silence for a while, but Rissu wouldn’t let the subject slide any longer. She _needed to know_. 

“Last night… when I said you were a joke…” 

Rissu looked up from what remained of her breakfast. There was a twinge of guilt in his oh-so expressive eyes. 

“You know I didn’t mean it. I was angry. I don’t think you’re a joke.” 

“It’s okay,” the blond dismissed. “What does that have to do with your… plan, though?” 

“Nothing… I just wanted you to know.” 

“Right. So… the plan?” 

“How much do you know about the Sith?” 

It was sudden. Rissu’s smudged eyebrows knitted together in a confused frown. “Hardly anything, I'm sorry.” 

“So you don’t know anything about the work of Darth Plagueis?” 

Rissu shook her head. 

“No- forget I said that. I’m getting ahead of myself.” 

Kylo stood up, and beckoned Rissu off the chair. He took her hand, leading her back to the bedroom, before pushing her down on the bed, sat up against the headboard. He settled beside her and pulled her close to him, arms around her smaller form. 

“Touch me,” he ordered upon seeing Rissu’s arms frozen at her sides. She obeyed. One arm came up around Kylo’s bare back, and the other wrapped around his middle. She allowed herself to relax a little, and settled her head against his muscular chest, gazing ahead without really looking. She zoned in on the helmet that stared at her from across the room. 

“How much _do_ you know about the dark side of the Force?” 

“I don’t know anything. But that’s how it should stay, right? I know it’s dangerous and its only purpose is to destroy.” 

“You read that in a Jedi book?” 

“Mmhm…” 

“It sounds like something a Jedi would have said. Don’t let those books influence you too much. The Jedi were wrong about so much… and so were the Sith. That’s why neither of them survived.” 

The man brushed a lock of hair out of the blond’s face, only for it to fall right back where it was. “But we live. The Supreme Leader, and you and me.” 

Rissu finally looked up to meet Kylo’s gentle gaze. She wasn’t quite sure where he was going with this. “I live because you decided not to kill me. Not because I’m special in any way.” 

“But you are. I spared you because you have potential the others didn’t. I can help you realise it.” 

The girl’s eyes widened when the realisation hit her. 

“I can train you Rissu. I can teach you to navigate the dark _and_ the light…” 

Rissu sat up straight. “You want to teach _me_?” she asked. She was stunned. 

“There’s only so much you can learn from books. I can show you the rest.” He took the girl’s hand in both of his. “This is exactly why the Force led you to me. Train with me - as my apprentice. Let me teach you all I know, and more. I can help you become more powerful than you could ever imagine!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have more at the end of this chapter, but I decided to put it at the beginning of the next one instead just because I can go into it much better that way. I dunno how I feel about the pacing here in the first place and it will be better like this.


	13. Dark

“So… Darth Plagueis... he was a Sith Lord who had a huge interest in midi-chlorians. He studied them. Experimented on them.” 

“What was he trying to learn?” 

“Supposedly how they affect life-forms as whole beings. How they affect _us_. A lot of his experiments, if I’m not mistaken, were an attempt to influence them to do what he wanted- to the body they were a part of. He was trying to discover the secrets of life itself.” 

Rissu laid on the bed, her head propped up on pillows. A biologist herself, she could relate to that goal. She crossed an ankle over a raised knee, while she inspected the lightsaber held in both hands. Whoever had retrieved her backpack had put it in the front pocket so it could come back to Rissu. No doubt Kylo’s orders. She was glad he finally trusted her to hold it again - she’d earned herself a verbal lashing after Ren caught her holding it carelessly while the two of them talked. Only after Rissu had convinced him she was serious about not accidentally losing a limb was she allowed to try again. 

“Did he discover the secrets of life?” 

Kylo turned his head away from Rissu, and looked out the small window, into the void, as he sat on the edge of the bed. He was dressed in full robes now. “He made it far. The legends say that in the end, he could prevent death. Pull people back from the edge at the last moment. But his work was unfinished. And so much was lost over time. I think that a Force user in a unique position could pick up where he left off.” 

“How d’you tell who they are? How d’you know when you’ve found the right one?” 

Kylo smirked a little. She didn’t catch on. He looked her way again. “A Force user, and a cell biologist who craves knowledge… and dreams of the unknown?” 

“What- _me_?” 

Rissu grinned, shaking her head, incredulous, and returned her attention to the weapon in her hands. 

“ _Yes, you_ , Rissu. You’re in a perfect position to do it.” 

“You’ve got the wrong person, Kylo, I’m sorry.” 

“Why _not_ you?” 

“Well, to start - you _really_ overestimate how much I know about midi-chlorians… thanks to the Empire, _no one’s_ really learned much about them for a while.” 

“You can learn. We can recover what you missed out on. Hire tutors - the best in the galaxy.” 

Rissu hummed in acknowledgement, listening to the sounds of a droid clearing away what remained of breakfast in the other room. She looked back down at the weapon. Someone had made this, in some stage of their doomed adventure as a Jedi. A rite of passage - part of the training, as Rissu understood it to be. The fact that she was being offered the saber as her own suggested things would be a little different for her. _If_ she decided to take it. 

“It’d be an awful lot of resources to put into something I’d probably fuck up completely,” she finally said. 

A low, derisive chuckle. “You should have more faith in yourself. You’re good at what you do - I’ve seen that much. Very good.” 

Rissu smiled. “I suppose… I suppose I wouldn’t fuck it up any more or less than research in any other field.” 

Ren moved further up the bed, climbing back on to lie next to the blond. He looked hopeful. “What do you think? Of course, it wouldn’t be for a _long_ time.” He emphasised the word with care. “Years. After your training is completed.” 

“I understand,” Rissu said honestly. She put the weapon on the bedside table, and turned towards the beautiful spectacle now sharing the bedspace with her. She wondered how someone so perfect could possibly exist, let alone look at her like that, and offer her the things he offered her. The girl’s eyes, and her thoughts, begged him to kiss her, but she was still afraid to initiate it. Kylo saw what she wanted, and indulged her for a full minute. 

Rissu broke away slowly. “I still haven’t decided if I can accept your offer in the first place.” 

Kylo nodded once. “Talk to me.” 

She was hesitant. “I… I didn’t come here for training. I got myself here so I could see you again… in the hope that it would lead to… what it did. Maker… that doesn’t _sound_ good, I’m sorry.” 

She broke the eye contact and rolled onto her back. 

“I don’t mean it like that. I didn’t wanna… _use_ you. I really do like you. But I wanted you. _So_ badly. But I didn’t wanna intrude on your life.” 

The older Force user could feel the girl’s love for him pouring out at all times. She didn’t need to explain her actions to him, he knew how she felt. She probably wasn’t aware of her own feelings. She was denying it even to herself. 

“Funny, that… now you’re asking me to do just that,” she added. 

“If it _had_ been only sex,” Kylo began. “And you were returned home today with nothing else said between us… what would you do with your power?” 

Rissu thought of Jace’s words, encouraging her to use her gift to make something of her life. How would she make that happen? “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much.” 

“If someone from home offered to teach you… would you accept?” 

“...Probably.” 

“What makes my offer any different?” 

“The difference is…” she trailed off. 

“The dark side?” 

“Well… yeah. No offense.” 

“Why do you want to avoid the dark side?” 

“Because… I should?” 

How much she sounded, Kylo thought, like a compliant teen whose parents had ordered her to stay away from a certain place or an illicit drug, rules never challenged, because they _said so_. “You’re an adult, Rissu, and you’re not stupid. You _are_ free to make your own decisions about what you do. With that in mind, answer me again - why should you avoid the dark?” 

_Rules never challenged_. She lay there in silence. He knew she wouldn’t have an answer. That was a good thing, she needed to have her apparently small world questioned. 

“You’re right,” she said eventually. She turned back to him. “And I do appreciate what an amazing opportunity you’re offering. I don’t have any reason to avoid the dark other than I’m afraid. I couldn’t do the things you do.” 

Ren knew what she meant, it was on the outermost layers of her thoughts. “We do what we must. We kill knowing we’re doing it for a greater good,” he said. He neglected to mention the many he had killed out of anger. She didn’t have to be that way. 

“I don’t know if I ever could…” 

“Even the Jedi… the so-called servants of peace and justice - _they_ killed.” 

Rissu was silent. She could hide nothing from him. 

“The Jedi Order was only one path, and they happened to be the most powerful at one time. But you could never have been a Jedi anyway.” 

He was goading her to ask why he felt that to be the case. She bit. 

“You use the Force to get what _you_ want. That was not the Jedi way.” 

“I don’t see any reason not to.” 

“You misunderstand… I don’t mean it as an insult. You’re so tenacious… with the Force at hand you can achieve anything you want.” 

His gaze was intense. It burned right through into her mind. 

“Your friends… you hurt them to get here.” 

Guilt overwhelmed her. “I didn’t want to,” she said quietly. “I only did what I had to. They’ll be okay.” 

She sprang up into a sitting position and scrambled down the bed. 

“Shit…” 

Her backpack leaped across the room towards her. “I should let them know I’m all right!” 

Just as the bag reached her fingertips, she remembered that her datapad wasn’t in there. She never thought she’d need it. 

“Damn… they're worried about me.” 

_And for good reason, apparently_ … 

Kylo’s arms reached around her from behind. The embrace calmed her a little, and she gathered her thoughts. There was nothing to be done, and she had to hope they’d understand. 

“You acted out of passion,” he continued. “That was the way of the _Sith_. You’re a vessel of the dark, Rissu, and yet you want to run away from what’s been inside you the whole time.” 

“Everyone has their demons,” she replied. “I like to believe we’re not slaves to the darkness inside us. I can still be a good person if I decide to do good things.” 

“You can still use the dark side to do good things. The Republic might think otherwise but we’re making the galaxy a better place for everyone.” 

Rissu settled her head on Kylo’s shoulder, but she didn’t look at him. Whenever he spoke of the First Order it was with so much conviction, she couldn’t help but trust him. “I’m not strong enough to do what you do.” 

“That doesn’t matter. It’s your mind that needs to be powerful, not your body. The Sith believed that we could derive power from our pain. Like you said, we all have our demons. Your body image problem could be a-” 

The girl broke away and huffed derisively. _Here we go again_ , she thought. “I don’t _have_ a body image problem, I have a-” 

“Body problem… right…” 

Ren took the words right out of her head, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He got up off the bed and surveyed Rissu almost as though he’d never seen her before. “You really don’t know how beautiful you are, do you?” 

He sounded surprised more than anything. The girl shook her head. “I have a long way to go. I’m not good enough yet.” 

Kylo exhaled slowly. Rissu sensed his frustration. 

“That’s why you work out so much…” 

And there he was thinking she just had nothing better to do. He seemed to be deciding on his words carefully. 

“I am Kylo Ren,” he finally said. “I can have any woman in the galaxy. Whether or not they want me in return. If I didn’t consider you good enough, you wouldn’t be _alive_ right now.” 

Rissu swallowed hard. She kept forgetting just how dangerous he was. How dangerous simply being around him was. He put both hands to the bed and met Rissu’s eyes with a serious look on his face. 

“If you take it from no one else, take it from me. You _are… beautiful_.” 

Of course it meant more coming from him of all people. But it didn’t fix the damage that had already been done. 

For a long time, they were both silent. Kylo paced a little, but nothing was said. 

“I can’t,” she finally said. “I’m sorry. I just can’t bring myself to.” 

“And nothing I say will convince you otherwise?” 

The blond lowered her gaze to her bare knees, and shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. 

After a while, she looked up again. Ren had stopped pacing. 

“I assume I’m not allowed to just go back home, right? That it’s not that simple?” 

According to the plan he had scrambled together the night before, he would kill her now. If she refused, he would eliminate her. It was much simpler the previous night. Only half a day or so had made all the difference, and somehow he had become too attached. This girl didn't feel fear _or_ contempt for him, and that was almost unheard of. Killing her wasn’t an option now. 

“No. It's not.” 

He crossed the room, and picked up his helmet from its resting place. 

“So what happens now? I swear, if you let me go I’ll won’t ever train under anyone. I’ll never go against the First Order. I won’t even _use_ the Force again!” 

“I know I can trust you,” Kylo said. He then donned the mask. “But letting you go isn’t my decision.” 

He made for the bedroom door. 

“Where are you going?” 

The cold mask turned and stared back at Rissu. “I need to discuss this with _my_ master. If you get out of here alive, it’s because he allows it. That’s just how it is.” 

* * *

As an enormous projection of a seated figure flared to life, in a cavernous room that seemed to almost be made for them, the very air seemed to grow cold, and Kylo Ren lifted his masked head to look the figure in the eye. There was much to be discussed since they last spoke. 

“Master,” he said, bowing his head slightly. 

“My apprentice,” the Supreme Leader acknowledged with an elegant sweep of his hands. His slow voice boomed, reaching every corner of the massive room and echoing back. “You have come to confirm the girl’s demise?” 

That had been the plan before he’d come face to face with her. 

“The situation with Rattigan has become complicated,” Ren replied. 

The expression on Snoke’s scarred face grew more curious. “Explain.” 

It was hard for many on board the Finalizer to imagine that the Commander was afraid of anyone. Still, he was apprehensive as he prepared to deliver news that would anger his master. Physically, he didn’t give anything away. “She’s still alive. But she’s compliant, and she’s in my custody.” 

“Why is she still alive?” 

“Things didn’t go according to plan. I’ve… known her.” 

“You… _what?_ ” Snoke yelled. The very room seemed to quake. Pale hands gripped either side of his seat so hard it looked like it must hurt. The projected figure looked as though he was about to stand up, but didn’t. “Explain yourself!” 

“Rattigan’s different from the others, she’s motivated by my approval! I thought I could convince her to train under me!” 

Snoke frowned. “And you felt this was best achieved by...” 

“Giving her what she wanted.” He was resolute. “Showing her what her life would be like, if she accepted my offer.” 

The Supreme Leader was silent, seemingly calmer. 

“Did she accept?” 

Kylo didn’t answer right away. He opened his mind to his master, offering Snoke everything he knew, should he decide to delve. “No. She can’t bring herself to let the dark side in.” 

Snoke took all the information he needed from his apprentice’s mind. “Well then… since she is compliant, she should be easy to dispatch.” 

“I came to ask that she be spared,” Kylo said quickly. 

A massive fist clenched. “Impossible. We cannot let a single Force user go, lest they turn against us.” 

“Master, she’s loyal to the First Order. She promised me she’d _never_ use her power against us!” 

“She is loyal to _you_. Let her go, and in time, she will forget all about the night she spent with you. The possibility that she is approached by a new potential master… with a mind to use her against our cause… is too great. Remember still, that not every Jedi has been accounted for. She _must_ be destroyed.” 

“She could be given a position in the First Order,” Kylo suggested in desperation. “She would make a fine researcher!” 

“No. She is too dangerous. If she will not accept your training, she _cannot_ be kept alive.” 

Kylo shook his head the smallest amount. His distress was beginning to show. “I can’t kill her.” 

Snoke’s outrage was clear, even though he didn’t vocalise it. “In such a short time, you have grown so fond of her?” 

“Yes.” 

“Very well. I will not ask you to be the one. _This time_. You have twenty-four standard hours to bid farewell, then make arrangements for Rattigan to be brought to me. I will dispatch her myself. And you… as for your… _sentimentality_ , you will be punished.” 

Ren didn’t seem to care much about that. He lowered his head. 

“Please, Master…” Even coming out of the mask, his voice was thick with the weight of unshed tears. “You can’t kill the only person who’s ever loved me.” 

“Twenty-four hours.” 

The massive projection vanished without another word, leaving the apprentice alone in the room with the hum of silence taunting him. 

So that was that. Rissu was condemned to death. By her own stubbornness. 

Ren turned swiftly, and stormed to the exit. As he hurried through corridors, he threw aside anyone and everyone in his path. Bodies violently collided with durasteel walls with the thuds of flesh and the clangs of armour, again and again, and behind the mask, hot tears still filled his eyes as he made his way back to Rissu. He was hurt. He was so hurt. How dare anyone make him feel so hurt! He was _enraged_. 

He reached for his lightsaber, and as the corridors became more quiet, he slashed and carved his anguish wildly into the walls, not able to hold back choked sobs as he did. 

He was seeing red, and someone would pay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so almost everything that happens in this story was cooked up over the course of a year, before I started writing anything. The whole Darth Plagueis thing, was one of the only things I put in last minute. A few chapters back I was researching what species are and are not innately resistant to mind tricks (I wanted to confirm whether Twi'leks were or not) and I ended up learning an awful lot more about Darth Plagueis than I could have imagined. And obviously I had Rissu on the brain (note that originally I never intended to specify WHAT Rissu studied at college, but in one chapter she was in a lecture so I decided to give her my own specialty) and started getting ideas. And I decided I wanted to go with them. And to ensure that what I was writing about him was correct, I started reading the _Darth Plagueis_ novel. I have no idea whether it's still considered canon or not but I'm still going with that version of events. It's a really good read actually and I think everyone should check it out.


	14. Endings/Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for some angry sex ~~and holy hell have I been waiting to write this~~.

It had been a little over two hours. Following a shower and a fresh coat of make-up, Rissu found herself meditating on the bedroom floor. She knelt on the mat beneath the window, in the same place her would-be master did. As she flushed her mind to let the Force in, she reached out as far as she could, in an effort to find Kylo Ren. She wondered whether she could. How big was the Finalizer? How far away was he? And his own master… where was he? Could she sense _him_ if she tried hard enough? 

Rissu had considered making a run for it while she had the chance - for a moment, at least, before it dawned on her what a terrible idea that was. The First Order knew where she came from - if she did manage to get back home now, they’d only come looking for her. Who knew what- or who, they’d destroy in the pursuit of her. It wasn’t worth risking the lives of her family or friends, and her only other option was starting a whole new life for herself on some distant planet. 

Briefly putting aside her efforts to meditate, she knelt there and imagined it. Everything she’d worked for in her adult life, cast aside in the pursuit of anonymity. Letting go of everybody she ever knew. A life lived in hiding. In fear. She thought of Ren’s pursuit of that Resistance spy all those months ago, and what he’d said. 

‘ _We find everyone. No matter how long it takes._ ’ 

No matter which way she looked at it, things wouldn’t end well for her. This was the consequence of what she’d done, going after what she’d wanted. She wondered for a short while whether it really was worth it. That was, before deciding she couldn’t bring herself to answer that. 

All she could really do now was stay put, and hope Kylo’s master would be merciful. If not… her life would undergo massive changes - she’d agree to train if she had to. She really would go to any lengths to keep herself alive. Maybe she _could_ learn to embrace the dark side, in time. If she _had_ to. 

Rissu thought at first that it was her imagination, feeling the energy flowing in and out of her change. It was such a subtle change, and so distant, like the rumbling of a far away engine in a quiet night. To her it felt like the ripples forged on the surface of a smooth body of water, and whatever had disturbed it was coming closer. Whatever it was, was getting stronger with every second, and as it came closer Rissu knew it was him. He was coming back with the verdict. 

She stood up and made her way into the living room to meet him, feeling him come closer and closer. And at some point he was near enough for her to feel it. Raw, fierce anger. This time it didn’t hit her suddenly. Instead, it crept over her, molesting her ominously and chilling her to the core. Something told her the verdict was not what they’d hoped for. 

When the apartment door slid open, that burning anger hit her fully, and yes, she admitted to herself, she _was_ frightened. She wasn’t afraid of _him_ , but she was still frightened. Ren took a couple of steps forward into the room, chest rising and falling with a clear, barely-restrained rage. The room was so quiet. The door shut behind him and he reached up to his mask, removing it. He threw it aside aggressively. Rissu jumped when it hit the wall with a loud crash, eyes locked with his. Kylo’s beautiful eyes were lit up with such a raw fury, and it was directed at _her_. For how excited she was, Rissu was twice as scared of what might happen next, but she still stood there dumbly, waiting for his next move. 

He took a couple of steps towards her, and threw out his right hand in her direction. Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. Rissu panicked, fixed to the spot by the unseen grip on her throat. Her breaths came in grotesque wheezes as she fought against the pressure on her windpipe, it hurt. She held off the worst of it with her own power, not strong enough to best it entirely. 

“You…” Kylo growled, closing the distance between the two of them. “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME INTO MY LIFE?” 

When he was upon Rissu, the hand that was outstretched swept across quickly, suddenly, and struck her across the face, so hard she was knocked off her feet. She only realised what had happened when she was on the floor, looking up at the towering form above her. The pressure on her throat was gone, but the sharp, hot pain on the right side of her face, and the realisation that Kylo had hit her was so much more painful in so many ways. 

She put her hands to the floor to get up, but didn’t. She didn’t know what to do. The decision was taken out of her hands as Kylo pulled her up by the collar of her T-shirt and threw her against the living room wall. Her chest collided with force, and she didn’t dare turn around. 

Kylo looked at her, like a wild animal observing his prey. He saw her trembling, felt her fear, and snarled. 

“Don’t tell me you’re scared, Rissu… ISN’T THIS WHAT YOU _FUCKING **WANTED**?_ ” he bellowed. 

He moved towards her, and she recoiled as far as she could towards the wall with bated breath. She _was_ scared. She knew she would be, every time she imagined this in so many lonely nights. But for how scared she was, she could never want him as much as she did right now. She felt his body pressed against hers, yet as she heard the sound of fabric rustling, the air was still heavy with the same fear. Kylo could taste it, and it only spurred him on. He was too far gone to do anything but delight in it. 

He didn’t take off his clothes much, and he removed none of hers. He pulled aside her underwear and Rissu felt the hot, throbbing head of his erection press against her pussy, still sore beyond belief. He buried himself inside without another word. It didn’t take him long to begin fucking her viciously. As he took his anger out on her, one hand gripped fiercely on her hip, and the other seized her throat, squeezing just as hard as he did with the Force. Rissu knew it shouldn’t drive her wild but it did all the same. Eyes shut tight, she keened involuntarily but all that came out of her strained windpipe was an ugly squeal. 

She felt a grim satisfaction coming from Kylo as his merciless assault continued. Like he was loving every second, but already knew he’d regret what he was doing, and what he’d already done. He fucked her harder than he ever had before, and Rissu knew it was all over when he keened sharply into her hair, breathing ragged, and spilled into her. 

His hips stopped moving, and the pair stayed there for a while, frozen as if they were lewd statues. That dark satisfaction turned quickly to remorse. He didn’t need to tell her he was sorry for anything, she could feel it, overwhelming in the air. She accepted the unspoken apology in just as many words of her own. 

Now everything was said and done, the hand on her throat had long since released her, Rissu was just as calm as Kylo. She decided, as she listened to his breathing slow down, feeling it brush against her, that the fantasy was indeed better than reality, and maybe she didn’t want to be put in that position again. Still, she wasn’t scared any more. 

“You’re _still_ not afraid of me…” he said quietly, his tone dull and hopeless, eyes still closed. 

Rissu said nothing, but she confirmed this with a quick shake of her head, side to side. Neither of them moved for a while until Rissu felt something wet hit her shoulder. She turned her head timidly to see tears streaming down Kylo’s face. His breath hitched, and he broke away from her, turned around and stormed away. 

As his release oozed out of her, Rissu’s whole body still burned for the climax that was so near, but she didn’t care about chasing. Not now. She followed her lover. 

“Kylo, talk to me,” she said softly. She wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t know how. She wanted to put her arms around him but didn’t know whether he’d take well to that. Was it worth finding out? Rissu decided that for his sake, it was. 

He didn’t push her away, or even try and shrug her off. He let her wrap her arms around his middle as he cried. She rested her head awkwardly against his chest, the occasional tear drop falling into her hair. 

“The only person who doesn’t fear me…” he said quietly. “ _Or_ look at me in contempt… and I’m gonna lose you. I’m gonna lose you Rissu, because you’re too stubborn and close-minded to accept that the dark is a natural part of the Force!” 

She said nothing. 

“You’re a biologist, you should understand this better than anyone!” he continued. He pushed Rissu off of him, but not roughly this time. “Life as we know it wouldn’t exist without darkness. The _Force_ as we know it wouldn’t exist without the dark side. When the stars set, the dark takes over and life goes on. Some life-forms thrive in it. Some _need_ it. It’s natural. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just different.” 

_He’s making an_ awful _lot of sense, actually._

She sat down on the couch, waiting for him to go on. 

“Like the setting of the sun to give way to the night, the Force has brought you here to be given to the darkness,” Kylo said. He wasn’t crying so much now. He joined Rissu on the couch, and for a while, they sat in an almost painful silence as the blond prepared to say the words that would change everything about her life. 

“I’ll do it,” Rissu finally said. 

All the despondency in the room vanished as quickly as she’d said the words. Kylo’s face lit up, his wet eyes now filled with hope. 

“You will?” 

“I will,” she repeated. “I’ll be your apprentice.” 

“Oh, Rissu…” 

He threw himself on the girl and wrapped his arms around her tight. She chuckled as coarse, heavy fabric tickled her, and she wondered if he was ever going to let go. 

He did, eventually, not before kissing her fiercely. Rissu looked at him, a stupid smile plastered on her face. She found herself looking forward to more of the same. “…Guess I better get used to the pears then, huh?” 

Kylo smiled and laughed in elation, he actually properly smiled, for the first time since Rissu had met him. She decided it was a good look on him, and she’d try and find a new way to make him smile or laugh every day, if she could. 

He wiped away the last of the tears on his face, stood, and motioned for Rissu to get up. 

“Come with me,” he said, unable to contain the relief and excitement in his voice. “Get up and get dressed, I need to present you to my master, as soon as possible! After that we start preparations. We have a lot of work to do.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearly at the end, one more to go! But this is not the end of her story.
> 
> Rissu began as a self-insert character, written for the sole purpose of living out a sexual fantasy, and that's what I'll always see her as, but as I've written this and thought more and more about the next story, I feel like she's been taking on a life of her own. I think it's a good thing.
> 
> Oh yeah, I mentioned at one point that I originally planned two endings for this story. This ending was the alternate one, and the "true" one involved him helping her to escape and go back home. Ideas for what might happen if she DID become his apprentice kinda got out of control though.


	15. Epilogue

In the dead of night, Rissu climbed the steps to her dorm, her footsteps echoing in the stairwell probably the only noise for miles around. As she pressed her fob key to the door, she doubted either of her roommates would be awake, not at this time of night. She entered the dorm quietly, not wanting to disturb them while they slept. 

She needn’t have worried. There was light coming from the living room, and as soon as she walked past, she saw Sweet lying on one of the couches, wearing pyjamas and staring blankly at something on her datapad. Rissu made her way in. 

“...Sweet?” she said softly. 

The twi’lek looked up at the blond and for a while only stared, like she was trying to process what she was seeing. 

“Oh gods, Rissu, you’re alive!” she cried. “Thank the fucking maker!” 

Sweet scrambled up and threw her arms around Rissu. Judging by the way she staggered over and the fact that she reeked of coffee, she probably hadn’t slept for a while. 

“You have no idea how worried we were,” she said. “We were like… a _day_ away from calling your parents! Don’t _EVER_ do that to us again!” 

She looked at Rissu with wide eyes and a harsh stare. Nothing about her was her usual playful self. She was more serious than Rissu had ever known her to be. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking down at Sweet’s bare feet. “I really am. I did what I thought was right. And I’m sorry for attacking you. Really.” 

“I know,” Sweet dismissed. “We’re okay, and… and so are you. Let’s just put it behind us, okay?” 

Rissu looked up into her friend’s brown eyes, and nodded. 

“I don’t care if you’re some weirdo freak who can move shit with her mind, you’re my friend and I’ll always love you. It doesn’t matter to me.” 

Rissu grinned widely. “You should get some sleep,” she said. “You look like shit.” 

Sweet slapped her arm with the back of her datapad, and the pair laughed together. Things would never change between them. Rissu went to her own bedroom, door still broken. She pushed it aside without touching it, and Sweet followed her in. 

“I’ll go to bed, but first you gotta tell me how you made it out alive!” 

Rissu opened the closet and started pulling out clothes. She laid them on the bed. “I… I don’t really know,” she said. “You were right… they _did_ wanna kill me. I should’ve pulled my head out of my ass and listened to you guys. Everything just kind of… went my way, you know? One minute I thought I was done for, and the next I was given the _tiniest_ chance to save myself and it all worked out. I can’t tell you exactly how I survived because I don’t know myself.” 

She shrugged off her backpack and coat, and chucked the latter onto the pile. 

“Maker, what the fuck happened to _you_?” Sweet asked, staring at the mess of bruises, scratches and hickeys that littered Rissu’s neck and shoulders. “You look like hell.” 

Her eyes suddenly grew wide and her jaw dropped open, a look of understanding spread across her face. 

“No… no fuckin’ way!” she squealed. “You didn’t _actually_ … did you?” 

Rissu grinned from ear to ear. “Four times, Sweet. _Four fucking times!_ I swear to the maker, he’s _insatiable_ …” 

“Well well, look at you!” Sweet laughed, watching Rissu pull underwear out of a drawer and add these to the growing pile. “You’ve come a long wa- what are you doing anyway? Are you leaving or something?” 

“I don’t wanna discuss this now.” 

“No Rissu, you can’t just come back from almost getting killed, then start packing your shit up and not tell me why.” The twi’lek grabbed her friend’s wrist, stopping her from chucking the last of her socks to the pile. “Where are you going?” 

Rissu huffed, and Sweet let go of her wrist. “I only came back to say goodbye and pack up my shit,” she said. “I’m not coming back.” 

Sweet didn’t say anything, she just continued to burn through Rissu’s skull with that wide-eyed stare that begged her to explain. 

“I’ve agreed to train under him,” she continued. “I’m joining the First Order. Kylo Ren asked me to apprentice under him. He’s gonna teach me everything he can.” 

Sweet’s stare could’ve cut through durasteel. “Sounds… dangerous.” 

“He’ll look after me, I know it. I don’t think he’d make me do anything he didn’t think I was capable of.” 

“And you think you’re capable of killing people?” 

“Almost everyone who works for the First Order has to do that, don’t they? Grads just like you and me… kids in the Academy _right now_ , _younger_ than us. If _they_ can do it…” 

“Whatever Rissu, you just don’t seem like the sort. You sure you’re not making a big mistake?” 

“I’m doing what I have to, let’s just leave it at that. Don’t even think about it like some grand venture, just think about it like… an internship. It’s kind of like an internship if you think about it.” 

Rissu started to bag up her clothes. 

“So you’re leaving… right away?” 

“Yeah, pretty much. There’s a load of paperwork I have to do, and I need to have a medical, but after that I start… _pretty much_ immediately.” 

She pulled a couple of posters off her wall and piled these up on the bed too. 

“What about your degree? Are you quitting?” 

“Gods, no! They’ll let me put it on hold, won’t they? It’s a good thing we’re right in the middle, good place to take a hiatus.” 

“How long for? How long’s this ‘internship’ gonna last?” 

Rissu paused, holding a half-folded poster. “I don’t know.” 

“Are you _sure_ about- hang on, did he _hit_ you?” Sweet pressed, noticing the bruise forming on the side of the blond’s face. 

Rissu looked away. “You were there, you saw him… he was bound to get mad at some point.” 

“You can’t _possibly_ be defending him. That’s pretty fucked up.” 

“I’m not _defending_ him, I’m just _explaining_ … look, can we drop it please?” 

“Seriously Rissu, this all sounds fucking dodgy.” 

Rissu neglected to tell her friend that she had no choice, and even if she did… she’d already come around. “You don’t think _I’m_ nervous? I’m kind of shitting myself about this and all I want right now is for you guys to be supportive.” 

“But… I dunno, Rissu. I’m worried for you.” 

“I don’t know what’s in store for me,” Rissu said. “I just have to hope I’m doing the right thing. I know you won’t understand why I rely on it so much… but the Force led me there, to him… to be… to do this. It’s been kind to me so far… I’ve just gotta hope it knows what it’s doing.” 

The blond put a hand on her friend’s arm. 

“You really should get some sleep. We can talk about this in the morning. The three of us, okay?” 

Sweet lifted her shoulders in a half-shrug and left the room, leaving Rissu on her own. She surveyed her work so far - bags of clothes all over the floor. She’d need to go into the district the following day and get packing supplies. Until then, she changed out of the previous day’s clothing and stripped off the day’s make-up, and sunk into the rented bed in her rented room, for the last time. It wasn’t long before she slept her way into the first day of a whole new life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's part one!
> 
> If you've come this far and read all of this, I want to say thank you so much for taking the time to do so. I hope at least one person enjoyed reading this. It's been fun to write!
> 
> I have a oneshot idea I want to get out next, I've had that in my head for probably longer than I had this story in my head for, and then I'll be starting on the next part of Rissu's story.
> 
> Peace ~


End file.
